A Review of Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy
Objectively Evaluating Parenting Fears and Helicopter Parents
Sep 28, 2009
In April 2008, writer Lenore Skenazy allowed her 9-year-old son to ride the subway by himself back to their home in New York City, a route that this responsible child knew well and completed in less than one hour. After publishing her reasons for this decision in an April 1, 2008 column in the New York Sun, "Why I Left My 9-Year-Old Ride the Subway Alone," Ms. Skenazy was roundly criticized in the media, which pinned the moniker of "America's Worst Mom" on her.
Ms. Skenazy has answered her critics in a full-length book entitled Free Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts With Worry [Jossey-Bass, San Francisco, CA, 2009]. How does Ms. Skenazy reconcile her "free range kids" philosophy with worries about child abduction, accidents, and assault that have become widespread in American culture? Just how much should a parent worry about these potential threats to their children?
A Brief Overview of Free Range Kids
The take-home message of the book is that, in American culture, parents have become so risk-averse that they cannot distinguish between a truly unsafe risk -- such as letting one's child ride in a car without a carseat – and a much safer risk – such as allowing one's child to walk two blocks, on a sidewalk, to school in broad daylight (when the child is familiar with the route). As a consequence, more and more of today's children are never given a chance to develop independence before they reach adulthood.
Statistics Behind Free Range Kids
Ms. Skenazy provides hard data to back up her claim that parents (like most people) do not have a realistic view of the risks their children face each day. A good example of this is the risk of kidnapping. The author cites statistics obtained from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children showing that the risk of a child being kidnapped is about 1 in 1.5 million (0.00007 percent).
The author compares the risk of kidnapping and murder with other risks children face, such as drowning, car accidents, and fires, and finds that a child is:
- 40 times more likely to die in a car crash; or,
- 20 times more likely to drown in a pool; or,
- 10 times more likely to die in a fire at home, compared to being kidnapped and killed by a stranger.
It is important to realize that Ms. Skenazy's free range philosophy does not mean that she feels that all risks can be written off or ignored. For example, she is emphatically against taking truly unsafe risks, such as not wearing a seatbelt, refusing to use carseats, and foregoing bicycle helmets. Rather, she suggests that a better understanding of risks will help parents keep their kids safe, while allowing them appropriate leeway to make their own decisions and experience the world.
Avoiding Excessive Worry While Keeping Children Safe
Clearly, parents need to raise their children in the manner they feel is most appropriate and safe. However, Ms. Skenazy makes a convincing case for ratcheting down parental anxiety, and attempting to give children more freedom to learn independence.
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