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Aggressive Children

What to do When Children Behave Aggressively

May 8, 2007

Advice from The American Academy of Pediatrics for helping aggressive children manage their behavior.

When it comes to managing child aggression John Rosemond and the American Academy of Pediatrics have some advice for parents – that advice just happens to differ in its approach.

Following is the general gist of The AAP approach. Feel free to pick and choose what feels right. We all know that there is no one parenting method that works for all parents or with all children. The best advice of all is to know yourself and your child and use what works best for your family.

The Problem - Aggression in Children over the age of three

The First Approach

The American Academy of Pediatrics

Like Rosemond, The American Academy of Pediatrics is clear in its position that aggressive behavior (even in toddlers) is never okay. The Academy offers the following advice for helping children manage aggressive (including biting, hitting, kicking or throwing) behavior.

Talk with your child – Try to understand the feeling behind the behavior. Help your child find the tools to manage anger, frustration, disappointment, etc. more appropriately. These tools include a feeling vocabulary, which helps children talk about rather than act out angry feelings; and role-plays, which help the child develop compassion and empathy for himself as well as his “victim.” Role-playing also help children practice what to do instead of acting out aggressively.

Notice and Encourage the behavior you would like to see as soon as you see it – Be on the look out for appropriate anger or frustration management. For example, if your child becomes frustrated but does not swear or kick something, provide specific, immediate feedback that lets your child know exactly what she did right and how you feel about her choice not to act out aggressively.

Model Appropriate Behavior – Be an exampleShow your children that it is normal to feel angry, frustrated or disappointed sometimes. They should learn by watching you that feeling angry does not mean it is okay to be hurtful or aggressive. Let them see you being calm in the face of anger - take a parent time out or even a walk around the block instead of screaming and cursing.

Limit Television Time and Computer Use - Encourage children to engage in physical activities that foster creativity, boost mood and promote good health. Also, monitor child exposure to violence and aggression from all sources.

Why doesn’t Rosemond agree with the AAP approach?

It isn’t “compelling” enough to convince the child to behave differently. In other words, Rosemond does not believe this approach gives the child any real motivation to clean up his act.
Rosemond also suggests that this approach misses the point. Aggressive behavior is not about some unexpressed trouble, problem or worry on the part of the child; says Rosemond… “More often than not, unhappiness is not the cause of aggressive behavior in children; it is the result. ‘Psychological’ approaches to these kids bark up the wrong tree.”

What do you think?

Next up – Rosemond’s Approach for Stopping Aggressive Behavior: “Separate, Isolate, Relocate”

The copyright of the article Aggressive Children in Parenting Methods is owned by Barbara Gibson. Permission to republish Aggressive Children in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.