Prospective parents often don't realize that parenting is a twenty-year plus commitment, demanding their best efforts even at those times when everyone is tired. Acting with care is close to impossible in such everyday situations.
Be proactive by learning to say no, use humor, carry out consequences, be honest, foster self-esteem, manage parental stress, and exercise parental leadership.
Assertive communication is often avoided because parents fear aggression, yet it usually prevents hostilities.
It's OK to Say No
It is sometimes believed that saying no too often can squelch a child's self-esteem, creativity, or confidence, yet the opposite is more often the case. There isn't any need for apology or guilt when "no" is needed.
One of the most common pitfalls parents suffer is inexactness of language. When one means for a child to do something direct by telling, not asking. Adults don't have to be mean, just clear.
Use Humor
Remember to carry the emotional first-aid kit of humor at all times. It will help the whole family through the rough spots of daily life. Parents can model the skill of not taking things too seriously. Educators suggest that modeling is one of the most effective methods of teaching.
Have a Plan for Consequences
Think before speaking, and back up those words with firm, caring actions. Thinking through consequences can be done beforehand, when things are calm. Carrying out the consequences can be done in a matter of fact manner, expressing faith in the child's ability to come out ahead in the end. This allows the child to feel a sense of family as opposed to being at odds with the parents.
Be Honest with Children
Don't lie to a child or promise what isn't in your power to deliver. Telling a child that the sun will be shining for a picnic is folly at best, and can destroy your child's faith in your integrity. Promising that another child will like him or her is another dangerous parent trap, causing more distress in the long run.
Being honest about life's struggles teaches children to share feelings and deal with reality rather than deny or avoid it.
Structure Children's Behavior
It is far better to tell a child clearly what is expected. Structure builds awareness and confidence in one's behavior. Teaching manners and social skills positions a child for social success and becoming an assertive adult.
Foster Self-Esteem
Even your choice of rewards can help guide your children into the comfort of assertiveness. When children learn to feel proud of themselves, they have gained a life-long skill. Say, "Pat yourself on the back" to foster self-confidence. Do that more often than giving gifts and treats.
Manage Parental Stress
Do what you can to reduce stress by dealing with temper. Deal with your own feelings on a regular basis so you can keep an even disposition with children.
Keep the number of issues to be corrected close to one -- too many can cause confusion and frustration. Develop a poor memory for the bad times and a great memory for the good times.
Exercise Parental Leadership
Stand up courageously and be counted as a parent, not a buddy. Young people are in need of clear, positive leadership. They already have plenty of peers.
Keep a journal of successes and challenges, and jot down strategies and solutions. Forgive yourself when you mess up.
Visualize yourself as an assertive parent who can say no, use humor, calmly enforce consequences, be honest, encourage self-esteem, control parental stress, and exercise parental leadership. Assertive parenting can be both your finest joy and greatest challenge.
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