Behavior Problems in Children
Teaching Your Child Positive Behaviors Without Using Consequences
When professionals talk about behavior support or changing a child’s behaviors, many parents take that to automatically mean consequences. Although consequences can be a part of changing problem or maladaptive behaviors, positive techniques often yield better and more lasting.
Behavior is Communication
All behavior is communication. A child could be communicating a desire to meet a need or to avoid something. Many children, especially those with disabilities, have issues communicating verbally so they find another method to communicate their needs or desires. Sometimes this method is inappropriate such as aggression, yelling or self-injury. This is when parents and caregivers can step in and assist the child to learn a more appropriate way to communicate.
Appropriate Alternatives to Inappropriate Behavior
Positive behavior support is all about teaching a replacement behavior or an appropriate alternative that a child can engage in to replace the inappropriate behavior. The way to do this is to identify which behavior should be changed, locate an appropriate alternative and reinforce the child when the alternative is displayed.
Behaviors that receive value or reinforcement from caregivers will always be displayed more often whether or not that behavior is appropriate or inappropriate. Parents can increase the likelihood that the child will display the appropriate behavior more often if that behavior is reinforced with praise or rewards. Parents can find out what motivates their child, such as going to the movies or out to eat, and use that as an incentive for the child to behave more positively.
Children have learned that when they behave in a certain manner, a parent reacts in a certain way. If that reaction is desirable to the child, the likelihood that he will engage in that behavior increases. For example, if a child wants a candy bar and his mother says no, but then says yes after 5 minutes of screaming, the child will know that he has to scream for 5 minutes or longer to get what he wants.
Caregivers should remember that a child’s behavior is learned over a period of time. This means that the behavior can’t be changed overnight. In the above example, the child might try screaming for 7 minutes or even 10 minutes to see if it gets him the candy bar. Parents have to be patient and consistent to see changes and the behavior may get worse before it gets better as a child tests the limits.
Techniques to Reduce Inappropriate Behaviors
There are many different ways to teach a child an appropriate replacement behavior without using consequences. A simple reinforcement schedule is an easy way to show a child that appropriate behavior receives rewards.
Another simple way to reduce inappropriate behaviors is to be clear with expectations. Even a child as young as two can understand very simple and clear directions. Sometimes a child just needs to know what to expect so she can be comfortable with the situation and this can reduce the likelihood of a tantrum or an aggressive episode.
Role modeling is also a good way to show a child how to behave appropriately. An older child may respond to role playing as well where a parent can show a child what an appropriate response looks like.
Parents can also discuss with a child what anger or frustration feels like so they can learn to recognize the signs. Recognizing the signs of anxiety is one of the first steps to learn to react appropriately. After a child has learned what anxiety feels like to her, parents can help her learn a replacement behavior, such as taking deep breaths or taking a break in a quiet space. Praise and positive reinforcement will help the child maintain the replacement behavior.
A child that has communication issues may become frustrated because he can’t tell his caregiver or parent that he’s mad or that he’s ill. Teaching the child simple sign language or using a picture book to identify needs can help to eliminate the frustration and potential for inappropriate behavior.
When a parent teaches a child to behave with an appropriate replacement behavior and positive reinforcement, the child is learning something rather than simply learning not to do something because of a consequence. Parents that start with positive behavioral support often won't need to use or will rarely need to use consequences.
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