Are You Raising a Brat or a Bully?

Are Your Kids the “B” Word?

Nobody wants to believe their child is a brat. But, brats abound these days. In America materialism has overtaken quality time, caring and relating.

Here’s a simple test to see if you need to institute some changes around your house and in your relationships to eliminate the brat syndrome.

• Does your child (over the age of 3) throw a temper tantrum when he doesn’t get his way?
• Do you often give into your child’s wishes just to get him to stop crying or whining? Well, guess what – that’s why he throws tantrums – they’ve been quite effective for him.
• Does your child value material things more than people?
• Does your child bully his friends or threaten to withdraw friendship to get his way with them?
• Does your child follow basic household rules, or does he rule the house?
• Does your child destroy things out of anger or as a means to get attention?
• Is she sorely lacking in play date invitations? This is a sign that other moms don’t want to put up with her.

If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, there’s a good chance you’ve got a brat. If you answered yes to all of them, I don’t know how you’re still sane.

Tips for raising a loving child

Here are some tips to rein in your child and to help him or her grow with an emphasis on healthy relationships not pathological control, anger and manipulation.

Establish Ground Rules

Establish to ground rules in your home and in your family relationships. Be clear about the kind of family you are and how you expect your children to treat those within and outside of your family. "We treat others with respect." "We do not mock or make fun of others." "We stand up for kids who are mistreated."

Model Compassion

Emphasize caring, compassion and giving. Brats and bullies are self-centered, raise your children to care about the needs and feelings of others. You also want to model love for your child. Might your child be a brat because she is not getting enough of you, your love and focused attention?

Teach Respect

Keep in mind that teaching your child respect for others is one of the best gifts you can give him.

Establish Boundaries

When your child pushes the boundaries - and you need to say NO, mean it. Be prepared to put up with the tantrum that’s about to ensue – and DO NOT GIVE IN. This may take a few trials.

You’re going to have to endure a few tantrums before he gets the message. Explain to your child (when he’s not in the midst of a tantrum) that his behavior is not acceptable and will not get him what he wants. Give examples of alternate words and behaviors.

Be firm yet loving. Clear boundaries and consistent responses on your part not only manage behavior better, they also create safety and security for kids and teens.

Remember, if you give in you are fostering inappropriate behavior. A selfish, self-centered or cruel child is not who you are aiming to raise.

Give Your Time, Not Toys

Stop buying toys and taking trips to the mall for a while. Give your child love and the gift of your time. There is nothing your child wants more than you. Make dates with your child, play sports, paint, draw, sing, make music; hey, just hang out a little, without your cell phone on.

Model Healthy Behavior

Model the behavior you want your child to exhibit. Using bad words, calling your child names or having a fit yourself is the wrong direction.

Avoid Benign Neglect

Sometimes, we let our children turn into brats because we feel guilty about saying no to them. Other times we parent our children with "benign neglect" by choosing our own needs, interests and work over our children's needs. If you are choosing work or workouts over your child admit it and own up to your contribution to their behavior.

When you let your child be a brat, it’s him or her that you’re hurting in the long run. Be available, set clear boundaries and parent with the end in mind.

Raise a Caring Kid

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