In her book Kids Are Worth It: Giving Your Child The Gift Of Inner Discipline, [Sumerville House Books,1995], Coloroso says “In order to believe they can solve their own problems, kids need self-esteem, integrity, and a sense of their own power.” She goes on to say that giving children age appropriate responsibilities and allowing them to make their own decisions by guiding them through the decision making process can help them feel empowered.
What Does Healthy Self Esteem Look Like In Kids?
Spending time around children will reveal what a healthy dose of self esteem looks like. It is found in the child comfortable in his own skin, the child confident enough to face challenges with a healthy outlook, or the child ready to reach out to others and meet new people.
In her book Boost Your Child’s Self – Esteem: Simple, Effective Ways to Build Children’s Self Respect and Confidence, [Berkley Books,2000] , Karin Ireland says “ A child with self esteem is comfortable with new people and new situations, he believes he can achieve his goals, he is willing to try and he usually succeeds.”
Simple Ways to Promote Confidence in Children
Ireland has many suggestions for building a child’s self esteem that will help children learn to face the many obstacles life has in store for them:
- Give a child chores to do. Let him choose chores that he wants to do so that it will lead to success and he will stay motivated. Be enthusiastic about his accomplishments.
- Applaud improvements. Look for areas where a child has done well and praise him for it.
- Partners need to show respect to each other in front of children. Children learn from what they experience. If a child is witness to a respectful relationship then he will have a good chance of duplicating positive behaviour.
- Show a child she is important. Do this by being happy when she enters a room, looking her in the eye, asking her opinions, and being respectful of her likes and dislikes.
- Look for ways to show a child love. Unconditional love means loving the child and not the behaviour.
- Avoid messages that lower self esteem like facial expressions and gestures that show disappointment or withhold approval. Avoid negative comments like "Why do you always...forget your lunch." Also avoid labelling a child in any way – slowpoke, shortcake, lazy bones.
- Use positive affirmations to help a child refocus her negative thoughts to more productive ones. If a child finds math or any subject difficult encourage her to use an affirmation daily. "Every day math becomes easier and easier for me. I am beginning to enjoy math."
- Encourage a child to try new activities just for fun. Not every sport has to be mastered. Highlight the fun or the activity instead.
Most parents want their kids to be confident and to be able to accomplish their goals. They want their children to shine, to flourish, and to do it with confidence and a healthy attitude. Parenting in a way that builds confidence is possible if intent is focused on keeping the child’s integrity intact with simple everyday parenting practices that bolster self esteem.
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