Bullying takes different forms. Physical aggression is more common in males, while female bullies ("mean girls") more often employ insults, taunts, and social exclusion to punish their victims. As children mature, physical bullying declines, but the overall rate of bullying remains fairly stable as males convert to the more covert, non-physical methods – methods less likely to be observed by adults, and far less likely to be punished. Covert bullying is therefore more common than physical bullying, but harder to overcome. It is important to recognize, though, that the covert forms of bullying require the mobilization of a group to be effective. Other children must laugh at the insults and taunts, and cooperate in the victim's social exclusion.
Bullying and Self-esteem
Many believe American society is egalitarian, but it is not. Star athletes, entertainers, and entrepreneurs are seen as innately superior – especially by impressionable children – and believed to deserve inordinate wealth, fame, and admiration by virtue of their superiority. It follows that those who are stronger, wealthier, or more attractive are superior, and hence more deserving, than those who are less so. Children who learn to think of themselves as superior to others may develop an unhealthy sense of entitlement.
Victims of bullying suffer loss of self-esteem. Many believe that low self-esteem causes bullying behavior, but recent research shows that is not necessarily true. Some victims of bullying (including bullying by parents) bolster their own self-esteem by bullying others. "Pure" bullies, though – who never have themselves been bullied, but bully others – tend to have especially high self-esteem. They feel entitled to abuse their "inferiors," and even may feel they are performing a service to the peer group by excluding those who "fail" to meet certain "standards." (Thoughts of Hitler's "master race" come to mind.)
The Bully's Enablers
Bullies enjoy encouragement from both other children and adults. There are plenty of adults, including parents, coaches, public figures, and many others who make no secret of the fact that they value aggressive behavior. Even the parents of victims – when they encourage their children to "suck it up" or "just fight back" – become enablers. Teachers and school administrators will be very helpful when physical bullying is involved, especially since so many schools have "zero tolerance for violence" policies, but some still think of teasing as "a normal part of growing up," or wonder what the victim did to "antagonize" other students.
Bullies who use physical abuse frequently have one or two "lieutenants." Such followers may not be active participants in the abuse, but help to provide backup and added intimidation. In return, the bully's followers can feel secure that they will not become victims, and can share in the ego-enhancing demonstrations of superiority to others.
Bullies who use social abuse tend to be central figures in the "most popular" cliques. Children are under great pressure to conform, so even children outside the clique come under the bully's influence. Many will laugh at cruelty, and readily participate in the social exclusion of the "freaks and geeks." It helps them feel closer to the "in-group," and also provides some insulation from becoming victims themselves. Some children feel they ought to intervene when another child is harassed, but are afraid of the consequences.
Curbing the Culture of Bullying
Bullies can be helped to change their behavior – but that does little to solve the larger problem. The social conditions that allow bullying must be changed, by teaching enablers to better identify with victims and find the courage they need to intervene. An anti-bullying program should be part of every elementary and middle school curriculum.
See also:
Bullying – Who are the Bully's Victims?
Bullying – How to Make it Stop
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