Child Friendly Culture
Changing the Belief that Children Should be Seen and Not Heard
The belief that children should be seen and not heard gives rise to a non child friendly culture. This creates difficulties in everyday living for children and parents.
Parents are all too familiar with having to tell their child to ‘sshh’ in response to the fear of disapproving glances, and feeling tense and embarrassed when in public with their children. The attitude that children should be seen and not heard makes parenting difficult, and has ramifications for the well-being of children themselves, as well as the whole of society.
Needs of Children Overlooked
“New parents have to adjust to the awkward reality of schlepping another person around everywhere and being held responsible for their every mood,” states the press release of Child-Friendly Initiative, an American grassroots organisation dedicated to improving the lives of children. Although families make up so much of society, their specific needs are often overlooked. Child development expert Penelope Leach, in Who Cares: A New Deal for Mothers and their Small Children [Penguin Books, 1979] described a ‘day in the life’ of a mother, exposing obstacles such as curbs that make pushchair use difficult and prohibitions that prevent children playing freely in parks. Leach argued that small changes would make a huge difference to the lives of families.
Although times have changed since then, it is alarming that much of what Leach says remains true. Even in today’s disability-aware society, the narrow aisles and steps of many shops and cafes, and the lack of lifts in even large train stations, limit the choices of parents and their children and make things unnecessarily difficult. It is only once you become a parent that you notice things such as dirty baby changing stations, the lack of a comfortable chair for breastfeeding, and no high chairs in a restaurant.
Origins of the Children Should Be Seen and Not Heard Attitude
Libby Brooks, in The Guardian, Feb 15, 2007, argues that since the Victorian era, children have been segregated from society, “corralled into classrooms and swept off the streets…In many ways, simply to be young is to meet the definition of social exclusion." This may sound extreme, but Al Aysnley-Green, the first appointed children’s commissioner in the U.K., remarked in The Guardian [March 2, 2005] that the English are 'ambivalent' towards children, lacking the warmth towards children that characterises other European countries'.
What attitudes underly these anti-child attitudes? It can be argued that much of the western world, particularly America, practices ‘distance parenting’, as opposed to the ‘attachment parenting’ advocated by Dr. William Sears and backed up by psychologist John Bolwby’s attachment theory. Distance parenting encourages children to be independent from their parents from a very early age. To this end, babies are kept in cribs, plastic seats and playpens for much of the day, pacified with pieces of rubber, and kept at a remove from everyday life. It is parenting for the maximum convenience of parents.
Because independence is hugely valued in Western society, this type of parenting is more often seen as ‘the norm’, and as a result, children are expected to inconvenience adults as little as possible in the public realm, too. In contrast, attachment parenting advocates responsive parenting that treats children as people worthy of respect and having their needs met. The wider implications of this type of parenting would seem to be a more child-friendly society.
Few members of the general population have much knowledge about child development, and this can lead to misunderstandings and unrealistic expectations. Children are expected to be quiet and still for much longer periods than they are capable of, and earn disapproving glares for little more than normal childlike behaviour. The explosion of the ‘how-to’ parenting book industry has made parenting an expert rather than personal matter, and everyone seems to have an opinion on what you should do to ‘get that child to behave’.
The Importance of Changing Attitudes Towards Children
Why is it so important to create a child-friendly society? Wendy Ponte, in "Seen and Heard: Creating a Child-Friendly Culture" [Mothering, Sept/Oct 1999], explains that children learn how to value themselves and others from the way that both strangers and intimates treat them. When they are treated with respect, they learn to treat others with respect. Children are the future citizens of the world. Michele Mason, founder of Child-Friendly Initiative, says "When children are valued and their needs are met, society benefits; children thrive and communtiies unite."
As Ponte argues, we need to lobby politicians to change laws, which has been successful in changing attitudes towards people with disabilities. But beyond that, we need to support parents and children and show an awareness and consideration of their needs, and praise those who do help us carry the pushchair down the stairs.
