Discussing Emotions with Children
Encouraging Children to Share their Feelings
Talking about thoughts and feelings isn't always easy for children. Try these tips for communicating with children and encourage kids to talk about their day.
Teenagers are notoriously reluctant to engage in discussions with their parents about how they are feeling and what they are doing. Establishing good conversation habits early can help to open and maintain healthy communication between parents and their children.
Family Discussion Ideas
A family mealtime is a great opportunity to start a discussion. Simply asking children “What did you do today?” will often get a non-committal response, so it is best to have targeted questions to encourage children to share. Ask about a specific event during the day (sports training, spelling test, lunchbreak, music class) and try to ask questions that cannot be answered with “yes” or “no” to initiate more involved conversation.
Encourage children to ask other members of the family about their day. Parents also need to share. Small details about the parent’s occupation are good, as young children are sometimes confused about what their parents actually do when they are at work.
What’s Your Favourite...?
A great game for younger children. Family members take turns asking each other about their favourite things. Favourite foods, colours, subjects at school are good starting points, but favourites can be as diverse as favourite number, room in the house, stationery item or appliance, and the explanations can be quite entertaining.
Discussing Highs and Lows
It is important for children to feel comfortable discussing their feelings and actions with their parents. Learning to share both positive and negative feelings when young will help older children feel more at ease about discussing such things.
The easiest way to develop this habit is to get each family member, including parents, to share the best and worst thing that happened during the day. Until children get used to doing this, the worst issue is unlikely to be anything serious. Once they are more comfortable discussing things, it can be surprising what issues arise for them during the day. The worst thing could be a simple as not wanting to get up early to go to work/school or forgetting to pack in lunch but could relate to bullying or feelings of loneliness or failure.
Target an Action Each Day
As children leave for school, ask them to find an opportunity to do something kind or helpful during the day. Ask them to share about what they were able to do when they come home.
Children can be encouraged to do something good, caring or helpful. Other suggestions might include talking to someone new, trying something new or putting their hand up to answer a question.
Ten Things I Love About You
At bedtime, or some other quiet time together, a parent and child take turns listing things that they love about each other. They can be serious or frivolous, or a combination. Keeping this light and fun will help the child to be more enthusiastic about joining in.
Comments can be made about anything, but could include the child’s smile, enthusiasm for a favourite hobby, love of cuddles or shared interest with parent. This is a great way of encouraging a child regarding a talent or ability (music, sport, academic etc) or a particular character strength (compassion, kindness, helpfulness, patience).
Most people appreciate receiving encouragement and this is a nice way to highlight a child’s strengths, abilities and interests and give him some positive reinforcement. It also gives the child an opportunity to think about what they most appreciate about their parent.
Conversations between parents and children don’t have to be confrontational and awkward. Developing healthy communication habits can make it easier for children to approach their parents with serious issues if they arise.
