Discipline and Tantrums

Communicating With Young Children

Mar 18, 2007 Sandra Williams

Dealing with children's temper tantrums can be a challenge, but if you refuse to give in to kid's outbursts on a consistent basis they will eventually subside.

Children are very observant and pick up information quickly and it doesn’t take them long to figure out where they stand in the pecking order. If you want to encourage or discourage certain behaviors, consistency is the most important aspect of how you deal with them. Take manners for example. Once children begin to talk, if you refuse to give them something every time they demand it instead of asking nicely and saying please, they will soon learn it pays to be polite.

Other communication considerations:

• Screaming from the other room is not a productive way to communicate. If your habit is to do this, they will catch on very quickly if you don’t intend to get up and actually approach them and do something about their behavior.

• Get down to their level. Crouch down if you have to until you’re at eye level and maintain eye contact.

• Keep your voice calm and matter of fact. If you start going hysterical, children can actually get encouraged by this and strive to get you going some more. Negative attention is still attention and any negative strong reaction to their behavior such as screaming can be perceived as a reward. This is especially the case if they were previously feeling ignored.

• A common tactic for smaller children to get what they want is to make a big scene in public. Stomping, screaming, demanding and whining are particularly famous for manipulation tactics to make you give in. They’re counting on you to be embarrassed by their tantrum and hoping you’ll simply give them what they want so they’ll stop. Although this can be inconvenient, it is best to remove a child from the situation to send the message that you will not be controlled or manipulated by giving in to their demands. Sometimes this means leaving a restaurant or shopping center. You won’t need to do this too often because they will learn very quickly that if they choose to make a scene and rudely demand things, they will have to leave. If it is impossible to leave, leave temporarily either taking them outside or to the bathroom for a quick time out and talking to until they calm down. They are more likely to stop the scene if they don’t have an audience.

• A simple touch on the shoulder can sometimes help reinforce the fact that you want their attention especially when they seem distracted.

Most kids go through the terrible twos where it’s a challenge to discipline them because they’re striving for their independence, but when you consistently follow through with consequences for such things as tantrums the stage at least won’t last longer than it should.

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