If one wants an honest opinion, the good old saying of “just ask a child” does not hold up to the actual reality of the fact that children sometimes do lie; and it is sometimes “encouraged” by their parents.
“We tell kids that lying is wrong- that no one will trust them if they don’t tell the truth, and that “honesty is the best policy”, but we don’t always practice this ourselves”, said child and parent therapist Jennifer Kolari in the November 5, 2007 CityNews article “Why do Kids Lie? Our Expert Explain…”.
How Parents "Encourage" Lying
According to Kolari, parents saying that their child is under 10 years old (when the child is not) may be trying to save a couple of bucks at the movie theatre, but is underestimating the negative impact that this behavior has on their children. American psychologist and author Dr. Lawrence Kutneone also believes that lying is a learned skill.
Why Do Kids Lie?
There are several reasons to why children lie. All kids make up stories or lie occasionally. Young children often lie to avoid punishment. The separation of fiction and reality is sometimes difficult for younger children to understand. Adolescents sometimes lie in order to boost their social status.
Dr. Kutneone believes that lying only becomes a problem when it becomes consistent; occasional lying is nothing to worry about, however frequent lying should raise a red flag for parents.
According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry "Young children (ages 4-5) often make up stories and tell tall tales. This is normal activity because they enjoy hearing stories and making up stories for fun. These young children may blur the distinction between reality and fantasy.”
Ways to Deal With Lying
Experts agree that parents are important role models to their children. Parents need to examine their own behaviors and reflect on whether or not they are setting a positive example for their children.
The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatryencourages parents to communicate with their children when lying occurs. "Parents should respond [to] isolated instances of lying by talking with their youngster about the importance of truthfulness, honesty and trust." When it comes to adolescents, communication is key as well; talking to children and explaining why they should not lie is much more effective than using punishment.
Key Points for Parents Dealing with Children Lying:
- Parents should try and determine why the child is lying; what motivation or reasons caused the lying.
- Communication should be used rather than punishment.
- Empathy and understanding of the child's explanation of the reason for the lying should be used.
- Comforting a child and providing a safe atmosphere for him/her is integral in promoting honest behaviors.
- Patience is key to encouraging honesty. Giving children chances and allowing them time to develop will likely aid them in understanding the wrongs of lying.
- As agreed upon by experts, modeling honest behavior is key. Parents should not underestimate the role they play in moulding their children's behaviors – good and bad.
