Helping and Understanding a Cautious Child
Learning About Life with a Shy or Sensitive Tot
Jun 12, 2009
Some kids can be described as easy, while others can be more spirited or cautious. Learning about and accepting that a child has a more cautious nature will help a parent be more encouraging and nurturing. Each child is different and can vary in her exact temperament, but here are some general behaviour descriptions for cautious children that can help parents get a sense of how they experiences the world, and that can help with how parents support him.
Cautious Children Need Your Understanding
Cautious children tend to need a lot of time to get comfortable with a situation and are often more sensitive to their environment. They can be more likely to have colic as newborns and when they get to be toddlers they will want to be within arm’s reach of their mamas and a good distance away from strangers. The good thing is that such a child likes to look before he leaps, being more likely to do a “risk-assessment” of a situation instead of hurtling right in.
More Likely to Be Shy
Cautious children like their space and their first words can be "bye," "go" or "book." Some kids like to say "hi" to every new face they see, but cautious children will be more likely to smile and wave once that stranger has finally moved along. Their shyness can sometimes lessen when they hit the age of three and have more verbal skills. For others the shyness can stick around for a lot longer.
They Like to Be Close to Mom/Dad
Sensitive children love their parents and feel safe when they are around. With a craving for safety, they will cling and trail a parent's every move if they can. They can take a while to warm up to new people and if mom or dad is leaving, it can be very upsetting for them at first and for many times after in the same situation.
Sensitive to Their Environment
These children can be very tuned-in to their senses and, as a by-product, can seem very demanding to parents. The oatmeal can be too lumpy in his mouth or the green color of the cup can make the milk taste bad. The material on a new shirt can feel too rough on his skin and the smell of gas station bathroom can be too much for him to bear to use it.
Trying New Things
Cautious kids like what is familiar, and it can take awhile before they are willing to try something new. Their first reaction is most likely to say "no" to whatever new thing a parent introduces them too – even if it seems like it would be a fun thing to do. They may be more hesitant to try a new food or join in on that soccer class that was paid for in full. They may say they prefer to eat the same meal day in and day out or to stay home instead of going to the soccer camp.
Thrive on Routine
Having a set routine and clear rules helps cautious kids feel comfortable and safe. They like to know what is happening next, the predictability gives them a sense of stability and control in their life. They are the kind of kids that will even tell their parents if they are doing things out of order. If mom normally brushes their teeth and then combs their hair, if the order is swapped, they will notice and tell mom how she should be doing it.
Be Patient
Dealing with cautious kids can be challenging, but knowing where they are coming from and what is important to them can help make parenting easier. The most important thing to remember is to have a lot of patience. Trying to rush or push such a child before he is ready will just cause more stress for both of parent and child. Think positive about a cautious child because he is a great observer of his surroundings and will experiment with new things once he feels ready too.
References
Karp, Harvey. The Happiest Toddler on the Block: The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old. NY: Bantam Dell, 2002.
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