Kids can have different temperaments from easy, spirited to cautious. If a child seems to be sensitive or shy about all things new, a parent can help build his sense of confidence as soon as he is toddling around, or even earlier. Understanding a cautious child can help parents provide the support he needs to cope with meeting new people, going to new places and trying new things.
Let the Child Bring His Stuffed Toy
If the child is attached to his teddy bear or likes to carry around his blanket, bring them along to a new environment. Taking a little piece of home or his close “buddy” can give him the security he needs to feel safe outside his comfort zone.
Maintain Rules and Routine
These kids thrive on structure. They like to know what is coming up next, so doing what a parent can to make that happen can make them feel more in control and confident about their day. Some families like to go over the day’s itinerary the day before or in the morning. Keeping set times and routines for eating, playing, cleaning up, and sleeping can help make the day go by easier for everybody.
Prepare Child for Upcoming Changes
When it’s possible, let the child know ahead of time when there will be a change to the schedule. If it’s going to be a big change, parents might want to talk about it weeks before or if it’s something smaller they can do it at breakfast. If the new event is something stressful, like going to the dentist, it is a good idea to plan something that he likes to do after – such as playing at his favourite park or picking out some kind of treat.
Build Up Child’s Confidence Through Role Play
If the child will be trying something new or stressful, parents can role play the event with him. If the child does not like to go to the dentist, a parent can role model the scenario with dolls or stuffed toys. Another idea is to for the parent to pretend to be a scared child and the child gets to be the dentist. A parent can make this fun, goofy and positive and that can also help prepare the child to feel a little less stressed about it.
Go Slow
It’s important to give cautious kids time to warm up to a situation. If the child is going to a playgroup for the first time, accept the fact that he may well prefer to sit beside mom or dad the whole time, instead of running around the room with the other kids. Encourage the child with each visit to try do something small to get more involved in the new environment. Some days will be better than others, and he may well retreat to being beside his mom for the whole time even though the class before he had ventured towards the toys.
Remember to be Patient
Although it can be very difficult, being patient is what pays off with cautious children. Getting stressed and pushing a child to do something they don’t feel comfortable with, is more likely to have a child digging in his heels then getting involved.
Practice Relaxing
This can help parents and children. Learning some basic relaxation techniques, like calmly doing some deep slow breaths can help a child deal with stressful moments. Doing deep breathing as part of a child’s daily routine can help make the day more relaxing and it prepares a child to call up this skill more easily when something stressful happens.
Parenting a cautious child can be easier if a child can carry a little piece of home with him, has a set routine, is told of upcoming changes, and new events are approached at a slow pace. It is also helpful to build the child’s confidence, teach him how to relax and for the parent to stay patient.
References:
Karp, Harvey. The Happiest Toddler on the Block: The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old. NY: Bantam Dell, 2002.
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