How to Help Increase a Child's Self-Esteem

Providing Consequences Boosts Confidence and Increases Independence

Oct 16, 2009

Guiding children with discipline, respecting their opinions, encouraging independence and praising their efforts all help boost children's self-esteem.

Children with low self-esteem are more susceptible to their peers, which could lead to serious problems like unprotected sex or experimenting with drugs. It’s up to parents to do everything possible to help children become independent safely and to pay attention to their own thoughts and feelings.

Avoid Put Downs and Name Calling

Remember to separate the person from the behavior. For example a child’s room may be a mess, but that doesn’t make him or her a pig. Refrain from name calling when correcting behavior or giving instructions.

Provide clear expectations of behavior so that he or she knows in advance what to do. This allows children security, because they’re not wondering where to begin or whether they’re doing a task properly. This might include providing a list until they’re confident enough to attempt it on their own.

Encouraging Independence Increases Self-Esteem

Teaching children to be self-sufficient gives them confidence and makes it easier when they’re on their own. Simple tasks like cooking and cleaning are things they need to learn from their parents. Stirring the cookie dough and helping set the table might be good enough for little ones, but older ones may progress to making the cookies by themselves.

Praise a Child’s Efforts Rather Than Results

Focusing on the effort rather than the result helps take away some of the pressure to succeed or to be the best. If praised for getting the highest mark or fastest race too often, it can backfire because the pressure to win may cause children to do the opposite.

Be specific about the behavior. For example, what was it about the way a child behaved that was good? Did he or she train hard in preparation for the race or test? Did he or she save money in order to contribute to that guitar they wanted? Cheer up a sad friend? Instead of sending the message that as long as children win, anything goes, they’re being sent a message that their behavior and character counts.

Provide Consequences to Children

Consequences that help children take responsibility for fixing their own problems is the best sort of discipline that will contribute to increasing their self-esteem. Getting yelled at or spanked for making a mess helps no one, but getting children to clean up their own mess does. They might not enjoy cleaning up, but their self-esteem and confidence will grow when they learn to take responsibility for their own actions.

Listen to Children and Ask for Their Opinions

Allow children to have input. Sometimes kids can help provide solutions to problems which helps boost their self-confidence. Encourage them to participate in some family discussions and ask for their ideas and suggestions. By allowing children to have input, they’re sent the message that their thoughts are valued.

Respecting a child’s opinion doesn’t necessarily mean that parents will agree with it, but they could consider compromising in order to reach a mutual agreement. When children feel respected, loved and heard, their self-esteem increases.