How to Make Family Dinner Time a Success
Turn Family Meals into Enjoyable Occasions for Children and Adults
Oct 16, 2008
Studies continue to pile up, proving that eating dinner together as a whole family helps children do better in school and learn healthy habits that will last them a lifetime.
In this time-pressed age, when both parents in many families work full-time, and children race from sports practices to lessons until well past the traditional dinner hour, it may seem impossible to make room for regular family dinners. But many studies on the benefits of family dinnertime show that dinner together can be one of the most positive and meaningful events a family can share.
Meals Make the Ideal Setting for Family Togetherness
“Meals are a perfect venue for creating meaningful family rituals because eating is often a patterned behavior and meals are best enjoyed in other people’s company,” says Dr. William Doherty, director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Program at the University of Minnesota, and author of The Intentional Family: Simple Rituals to Strengthen Family Ties [Harper Paperbacks, 1999].
9 Tips for Making Dinner Time a Successful Family Ritual
- Don’t give up on the whole idea of family mealtimes if you can’t manage them every night. Research shows that eating together even one or two nights a week has definite benefits. Pick one or two nights and make those your regular family dinner nights.
- Set a regular dinnertime on family nights and do your best to stick to it. Regular rhythms make it much easier to keep your routine going over time. However, if sports practices or lessons make it impossible to bring everyone together until after the usual dinner hour, it’s better to have a late dinner than none at all.
- Don’t worry if you don’t have time to cook. Your favorite takeout can work just as well for gathering the family as a home-cooked meal. The most important thing is to eat and talk together.
- Don’t let anyone opt out. Including everyone in family dinner sends the message that the family is important, and so is each person in the family. Bring the teenagers to the table, even if they complain and sulk. It’s important for them to be there.
- Eliminate distractions. Turn off the TV, video games, and Blackberries. Let the answering machine pick up the phone so you can concentrate on each other.
- Set the stage for togetherness. Clear any clutter off the table and light a candle, if the spirit moves you. Assign seating in advance, to avoid jockeying for position or conflicts over who’s sitting where during dinner time.
- Keep conversation positive. Don’t bring up unpleasant subjects during dinner, or use family time to mete out punishments for bad behavior. If conversation lags, the National Pork Board offers a list of creative conversation starters that can give you some good topics to start with.
- Include everyone in the conversation.Make sure everyone joins in, by asking direct questions if necessary.
- Have an adult signal the end of the meal as well as the beginning. Don’t let some people drift off while others are still eating and talking. Having a defined ending to the dinner ritual reinforces the message that family dinner is for the whole group, not an individual activity.
If all that sounds like a lot to handle, take it one step at a time. Try having dinner with everyone together once a week or even once a month. You may be surprised by how much fun it is to break bread together.
