How to Teach Sharing to Toddlers

Age-Appropriateness, Practice at the Playground & Taking Turns

Aug 31, 2008

Teaching children to share toys often comes before children are developmentally ready. Toddlers, especially, have difficulty grasping the concept of sharing.

Merriam-Webster’s on-line dictionary defines sharing as using or enjoying something with others. There is a societal expectation that toddlers will share their toys with other toddlers. For some young children this comes easily, but for many children, sharing is a difficult thing to learn. Any parent who has been to a toddler play date will know that there is little enjoyment in two toddlers using toys together.

Understanding Sharing from a Toddler’s Perspective

The old toddler adage “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine” seems to adequately describe how a toddler feels about possessions. As noted in What to Expect: The Toddler Years, toddlers don’t understand the difference between sharing a toy and giving up ownership of the toy. They become fearful that their playmate will not return the toy and will act on this fear. This often means that the toddler will have a tantrum, hit, yell, or behave in any number of difficult ways until the toy is returned.

Teaching sharing to toddlers is a slow process. Developmentally, they are not ready. Still, most parents feel the need to lay the groundwork so that their child can share successfully with friends when he is a bit older.

Sharing & Age-Appropriateness

Keep expectations for sharing at an age-appropriate level. Avoid punishing when a toddler does not share. In most cases, it is beyond his capacity to do so. Simply focus on teaching the basics of sharing and look at each situation as an opportunity for your toddler to learn about sharing.

Practice Sharing Playground Toys

Many toddlers will not be willing or able to share their own toys, but will have no problem with other people’s toys. Schedule visits with other children at parks or playgrounds where the toys belong to the community. If sharing the playground equipment becomes an issue, then it is time to distract him to another activity or to leave.

Taking Turns with Toys Instead of Sharing

Teach the idea of taking turns instead of sharing. Toddlers often find the concept of taking turns with a toy less threatening than sharing. Letting a friend take a turn with a toy implies that the toy is coming back to the toddler after a short period of time.

Toddlers are not developmentally ready to share toys with other children. Instead of forcing the sharing issue, use the toddler years to gently teach your child about sharing. Keep expectations low, practice by sharing community toys at playgrounds and introduce the alternate concept of taking turns.

Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi Murkoff and Sandee E. Hathaway, B.S.N. What to Expect in the Toddler Years. Workman Publishing, 1994.

The copyright of the article How to Teach Sharing to Toddlers in Parenting Methods is owned by Barb Hacker. Permission to republish How to Teach Sharing to Toddlers in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.