Parents Can Talk to and Reach Their Kids
Simple Steps to Improved Parent and Child Communication
Parents who are confident that a favorite scientist, educator, entertainer or athlete could engage their child in rewarding conversation should know that they too can reach and connect with their child. One of the most effective ways to do this is to ask a question. It is the very tool that many great communicators use.
Positive Parental Self Talk
The focus of a parent’s questions will reveal what is most often on the parent’s mind. This is why it is important to practice loving self talk. Unconscious chatter can filter into parent-child conversations and manifest as boredom, apathy, anger, approval or pride.
Parents can improve their unconscious self talk by spending 30-60 minutes a day engaging in activities that they enjoy. As parents talk and treat themselves with love, their emotional state will improve, which, in turn, will strengthen their positive nonverbal communication skills that they use when they talk with their child.
Listen Fully Without Projecting
Questions that parents ask their child also reveal what parents believe to be most interesting or important to their child. To fully hear what their child is saying when they respond to a question, parents should listen without projecting or translating.
Parents should avoid translating their child’s verbal descriptors and emotional cues into words that they, the older adult, most often uses or readily understands. “Mom, I want to go outside right now,” could mean, “Mom, have confidence in me” or “Mom, trust me.” A parent could mistakenly translate the words “Mom, I want to go outside” into “I’ll do what I want when I want” and label the conversation as “talking back”.
The more parents listen to their child when he responds to their questions without thinking that they already know what their child is going to answer, and the less often parents translate their child’s words into language the parent most readily understands, the more parents will fully hear their child instead of hearing what they “think” their child said. This change will build a bridge to strong communication between parents and their children.
When Parents Mirror and Mimic Their Children
Mimes draw a crowd because they focus on the person that they are communicating with. A word is rarely spoken. However, as the mime continues to mirror the other person’s body language and facial expressions, a fascinating curiosity develops. Psychologists use this tool when they communicate with their clients during therapy sessions.
Parents can occasionally mirror their child’s body language or repeat key words that their child speaks to convey that they are fully listening to their child. This sends a message that the parent values what their child is saying.
The Power of Intent
To avoid becoming frustrated or fatigued while communicating with their child, parents should be aware of their own intent for asking their child questions or engaging in commentary or other forms of conversation with their child.
Parents should be aware of their own agendas like gaining their child’s remorse or sorrow over a broken piece of furniture or continuous request for clothes or toys. They can do this by asking themselves questions like “Is there a goal for the discussion?” and “What feelings would likely surface if the goal was not met?”
Parents might communicate with their child to get him to clean his room simply because they want to avoid being interrupted while they watch their favorite television program. Over time, the child will pick up the parent’s true intent for wanting to talk with him. For this reason, it is important that parents be honest with themselves when they state that they want to converse with their child.
Enjoy the Gift of the Journey
When communicating with young children, parents will do well to revisit their own childhood and recall the descriptive language they spoke when they were younger. They can do this by revisiting happy memories made when they were a kid and sharing some of those memories with their children.
Parents and children are on a continuous life journey. When parents effectively communicate with their children they allow their offspring to fill their lives with curiosity, exploration, learning, excitement and fun. Play, love and laughter should be components of ongoing conversations. Parents should also be open to learning new hobbies, activities and ways of being from their children. They are young, but they have a lot to teach.
Completing the Communication Circle
As parents work to connect with and improve communications with their child, they can ask questions to engage their child’s interest. Rather than to project their own feelings onto what their child says, parents can mirror their children while they remain open and fully listen to their children.
Treks back down memory lane surface happy memories parents enjoyed themselves when they were children. These shared happy memories build a bridge toward better communication between parents and their children. Most of all, parents should remember that life is a journey that they can love exploring with their children through healthy, rewarding dialogue.
Parent and Child Communication
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