Keys to Gentle Discipline
Learn Developmental Stages, Prevent Problems, Stay Calm and Connect
Jan 17, 2008
Parents who practice gentle discipline are interested in guiding their children’s behavior and teaching them to make good choices on their own. In order to do this, a parent should focus on how their own behavior affects their children. Here are some steps to parenting with gentle discipline.
Study the Developmental Stages of Children
Expecting a child to be able to behave in a certain way before he is developmentally ready is futile and sets both the parent and child up for frustration.
Sharing is a parental expectation that is often thrust upon children before they are ready. Most toddlers and even preschoolers are not ready to share toys with other children, yet the expectation is there and many get punished for not sharing.
Louise Bates Ames has a fantastic series of books that explain each age in detail. One book, Your Two Year Old: Terrible or Tender, describes both the positive qualities of a two year old child and the more challenging. Specifically, Ames goes into detail about the capabilities of two year old children. She has written books for each age of childhood through the early teen years.
Prevent Behavior Problems Before They Arise
Children who are not at their best due to lack of sleep or hunger are ripe for behavior problems. If the parent knows a child is lacking sleep, it is wise to avoid stressful or over-stimulating activities, such as play dates.
Older children can be prepped before new situations as to what proper behavior is and what is expected of them. For example, children as young as age three or four can be given a rundown on what to expect when they go to a wedding for the first time. Briefly tell them how they are expected to behave and what they can do if they are feeling bored or restless. Tell them how to communicate with you during the wedding, so that they don’t have to resort to inappropriate behavior in order to get your attention.
Stay Calm
When provoked by their children's behavior, many adults resort to yelling or spanking. However, a situation can quickly escalate if the adult over reacts. One of the hardest aspects of gentle discipline is to learn how to control your own temper.
Remember that children who are in the throws of an emotional outburst often won’t hear you, no matter how loud the yelling. If you need to say something to correct the behavior, try whispering. Children will stop and listen to a whisper. Likewise, it is very hard for your own temper to escalate if you are talking in a whisper, unlike yelling which can heighten anger.
Consider learning about peaceful parenting to create a calm environment in the home which often minimizes behavior problems.
Spend Time Connecting with Your Children
All children want time with their parents. Parents who practice gentle discipline know that children who have regular, uninterrupted time with their parents are usually the ones who have the least behavior problems.
Carve out at least fifteen minutes a day to devote to each individual child. Parents can spend this time reading to their child, playing a board game, cooking, or doing any other activity that both the child and parent enjoy. The idea is to keep distractions, including the television and the computer, to a minimum.
References:
Leo, Pam, Connection Parenting: Parenting through Connection instead of Coercion, through Love instead of Fear. Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, Inc., Deadwood, Oregon, 2005.
Dr. William Sears, "What is Discipline?", website article
