We all lose patience with our children sometimes. But when waning patience leads to physical or verbal abuse, its time to seek support.
No matter how much we love our children there are likely to be times that our behavior looks or sounds less than loving. When we're stretched to the limit, overwhelmed, under the weather or feeling blue it can be tough to be a good parent. It is important though, to make the distinction between having a bad parenting moment and being a bad or abusive parent.
Here are some warning signs:
- your child flinches or ducks when you reach in his/her direction
- you are frequently angry with your child about behavior, even if it is age appropriate
- you yell at your children more frequently
- you hit your children more forcefully and/or frequently
- you notice bruises on your child after a spanking
- you ignore your children
- you don't regularly meet your children's needs (food, etc)
- you withhold food or other basics to punish your child
- you restrain your child (in closets, etc)
- you medicate your child to keep him/her quiet
- friends and family tell you they are concerned
The above list is intended only to help you think through any concerns you may have about your parenting; it is not exhaustive.
Ultimately, if you are behaving in ways that jeopardize your child's physical or emotional safety, there is a part of you that knows. Confirmation comes from the voice in your head and in your child's eyes. It is up to you to own the problem and get help.
If you are abusive or worried that you are nearing the edge, don't give up on yourself. Get help. Get the support you need to be the kind of parent you know you can be.
There are several places you can turn to for referrals and support. These include:
- United Way (to locate one in your area for information about parenting classes, respite, counseling, support groups, crisis lines and more, log onto http://national.unitedway.org/)
- Your faith leader - schedule an appointment to talk with the appropriate person from your house of faith.
- Prevent Child Abuse America - http://national.unitedway.org/ There is a chapter in your area.
- Child Welfare Information Gateway - http://www.childwelfare.gov/Providing a wealth of information and resources for support. Formerly the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information.
- Local Universities
If you're worried that you can't afford the help you need, don't. Many support services are available for low or no cost. The larger concern is the cost to your child if you don't invest in her/his safety and well-being.
If you're abusive, it isn't enough to make a promise that you will do better; you must make a real plan to change. Your child is counting on you.
