Parenting and Listening Skills
Parents Listen and Help Children Develop Problem Solving Skills
Aug 5, 2008
Most parents are concerned with how to get their child to listen to them. But, it is equally important for parents to listen to children. To develop good parental listening skills, it is first necessary to understand how children communicate. Then, a parent can work to form new habits that will improve listening skills and use them to foster problem solving skills in children.
Listening Skills are Important
Listening skills are often overlooked in discussions about effective communication. Parents can struggle to get their point across to the child and worry that the child is not a good listener. It is common for there to be a lack of understanding that listening skills are equally important for parents as well as children.
It is easy for a child to feel like he is not heard. At the most basic level, all children communicate with their parents to have their needs met. According to Pam Leo, author of Connection Parenting [Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, 2005], a child’s need will escalate to pain if the parent is not responding to the communication. Usually when a parent is not responding, it is because she is not listening.
Understanding How Children Communicate
Often a child’s form of communication will be subtle. Children can sometimes have trouble verbally stating what their needs are. Saying they are cold or hungry may not be possible for various reasons, including a lack of language skills or tiredness.
Children of all ages communicate through non-verbal means, such as body language. The obvious signs that a child is tired are usually apparent long before a child would admit that he was tired. Parents need to learn to listen to these non-verbal cues as they would verbal requests.
Improve Listening Skills
A parent can develop habits that lead to better listening skills.
- Make eye contact with the child when he is speaking.
- Touch his arm or hold his hand to show that he has your full attention.
- Repeat back all or some of what he said for clarification.
- Respond to non-verbal cues before the child’s need escalates to prevent tantrums.
Listening Skills Help Develop Problem Solving Skills
Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D., author of Raising a Thinking Child [Pocket Books, 1994], reminds us that a parent’s listening skills can help develop problem solving skills in a child. Children can often feel like no one is listening to them when a parent tries to solve their problem. The parent may get the problem wrong. For instance, a child may be upset that a friend grabbed a toy from him and be interested in solving that problem. The parent will often look at the bigger picture and think that the child needs to learn to share and try to solve the problem from that perspective.
Taking a step back from each situation and truly listening to the child may help him feel validated and assist in the ability to problem solve.
Developing listening skills is an important step in parenting. Children communicate in various ways, including non-verbally. Parents can learn to listen to these cues as well as verbal communication. A parent who is a good listener will help a child develop problem solving skills.
Sources:
Leo, Pam. Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion. Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, 2005.
Shure, Ph. D., Myrna B. Raising a Thinking Child. Pocket Books, 1994.
