What to Do When Parents Disagree on Discipline

When you have children you hope that you and your spouse can see eye to eye on issues that will face you as parents. There are always times when you won’t agree, but for the most part, you should work together as a team. It is vital to your parenting abilities, as well as your marriage in general.

Many parents have different ideas when it comes to discipline. One parent may find that he is more lax, while the other parent is strict. This can really come to a head when a child misbehaves, and the parents simply cannot agree on discipline. This is something that happens often within a marriage, and can put a strain on communication.

What Your Child Sees When You Disagree

Agreeing on discipline can be a stressful situation. Disagreeing also sends the wrong message to children. Many times, children will quickly find out which of the two of you tends to be the "pushover" when it comes to discipline. This can lead your child to play mom and dad against each other. One thing is certain, when your child needs discipline, you and your spouse need to stay on a united front.

How many times has your child gotten in trouble and you tell him he is not allowed to watch television for a week? Then when your spouse gets home, the television comes on even after you have enforced the rule. Your child is learning that rules are meant to be broken and will never take discipline seriously.

When this happens, one of the best things you can do is to talk to your spouse without your child around. You need to take the time to explain your situation and the discipline you have given your child. If your spouse disagrees with the punishment, you need to find out what he thinks is appropriate and the two of you need to work out an agreement.

Never Let Your Child See You Argue About Discipline

The important thing is to never contradict your spouse in front of your child. This is confusing for the child, and will never work. He will not take your punishment seriously if he thinks for one moment that he can change your or your spouse's mind when he has one of you alone.

A great idea is to sit down before the child gets in trouble and think of punishments that the two of you can agree on. There is nothing wrong with telling your child that a punishment is pending, instead of delivering it right away. Just be sure it is actually delivered.

You could also have punishments, based on severity of the misbehavior, on hand and ready to go in case you ever need them. Everyone is on board with disciplines when they know what to expect. This is the same type of thing that schools do with children. They know they will miss recess or stay after for detention before they ever misbehave.

The Spanking Issue

Another sore spot for many parents when it comes to discipline is corporal punishment, or spankings. Many parents will agree that this is not the way to discipline a child. However, what if your spouse disagrees with you? This is also something you need to be in agreement on before you are put in an awkward situation.

If you feel very strongly against this type of punishment, but your spouse feels otherwise, you need to work it out for the sake of your child. You don't want your child winding up hating the one parent who spanks, and giving excessive affection to the non-spanking parent out of spite. It's okay if one parent is in charge of delivering the spankings, but the child has to know that you both agree on when it is necessary, if at all.

Disciplining children is a tough thing for parents no matter what. Wouldn't it be great if every child just obeyed the first time? Well, that is not too likely to happen, so the next best thing is to be united as a couple when it comes to discipline issues and enforcing them consistently.

When Parents Disagree on Discipline

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