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Positive Discipline Parenting MethodsAlternatives to Spanking, Time-Outs, and Punishment
Parents wanting alternatives to spanking and authoritative discipline will benefit from positive discipline principles, but misconceptions about methods exist.
Most adults today experienced a more authoritarian model of discipline when growing up. Their parents used punishment and reward to motivate behavior. If you were good you might get a cookie or extra television time and if you were bad you could count on a spanking. But for the last twenty-five years, child development research has supported a different method of teaching and eliciting socially acceptable behavior from children. Why Not Spanking?Positive discipline actually goes far beyond whether to spank or not, but parents should examine the practice of corporal punishment. While spanking is admittedly effective in shocking the child into stopping a behavior in the short term, the long term effects make this an undesirable method. The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly discourages spanking and other forms of punitive discipline based on its review of research showing that children who are spanked have more issues with trust, intimacy, criminal behavior, anger, abuse, and aggression as adults. But what if you were spanked and turned out just fine? While many adults experienced bodily punishment as children and turned out okay, Dr. Jane Nelsen, author of Positive Discipline, would like parents to remember that there is something inherently wrong with the notion that making someone feel bad will help them do good. How do you respond when a boss or partner uses threats, belittlement, and insults to get you to perform? Do you want to do better or do you want to get even? Respect Instead of RevengeWhen discipline is too punitive, children tend to respond with revenge, resentment, and resistance. When discipline is respectful, children have the opportunity to learn the social skills they actually need to be successful. Punishment focuses on paying for past behavior, but does not necessarily teach a child how to behave in a similar situation in the future. Positive discipline teaches skills needed for a lifetime of learning. Is Permissiveness the Alternative?One of the most common misconceptions about positive discipline is that parents must ignore inappropriate behavior and be completely permissive. Positive discipline actually involves a balance between firmness and kindness. If you are too kind, the result is permissiveness and the child will not learn responsibility. If you are only firm, the message is lost and you may find yourself in a power struggle. The goal is to maintain a high standard of accountability while remembering to remain kind and respectful in your discipline. What is Positive Discipline?Many parents acquainted with the term have the misconception that positive discipline is a bag of techniques including time outs, natural consequences, and logical consequences. The concept has actually evolved significantly as research and experience has shown that consequences are often just punishment in disguise. Positive discipline actually strongly focuses on the benefits of regular family meetings, focusing on solutions for misbehavior rather than blame, and teaching children successful social skills and personal accountability. The focus is helping children develop an internal rather than external locus of control. This means that parents must abandon the old standby of “do it because I said so” and learn that the real goal should be teaching children rather than controlling children. For parents who grew up with a traditional authoritarian model, this is a big paradigm shift, but with work the results are astounding. Children raised with positive discipline are effective communicators and problem solvers who act appropriately because they have the skills to behave in a way that brings them success and belonging. As an added benefit, they have more confidence and self-esteem to resist peer pressure because they are used to making their own decisions instead of just obeying someone else. Positive discipline develops strong leaders instead of followers. What parent wouldn’t want that for her child?
The copyright of the article Positive Discipline Parenting Methods in Parenting Methods is owned by Carla Marie Boulianne. Permission to republish Positive Discipline Parenting Methods in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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