Practical Tips for Parents for Praising Children
Tips on Positive Re-enforcement of Children's Activities
Mar 20, 2009
Parents often question how to ensure that they do not give too much or too little positive reinforcement to their child. It is important to praise your child for achievements, but at the same time it can be harmful if that praise is given too quickly and in an insincere manner
Praise and Self Esteem
If you praise children all the time, they do not believe that the praise is genuine, which will lead to a low self esteem. Similarly if you do not praise your child at all, he will have issues of self- doubt (just like the three bear scenario – this porridge is too hot, this porridge is too cold and this porridge is just right).
How to Praise Your Child
Here are some practical tips to take into account when praising your child:
Don't praise for things that your child does well every day of the week. For example if he goes out every afternoon to practice getting the ball in the basketball hoop, don't praise him for getting the ball into the hoop. Instead, at the end of the week offer praise for his diligence in practicing every afternoon.
Don't praise the obvious, such as a child's good looks or talent for a particular activity. Instead offer praise for a new activity your child has tried, such as trying to learn how to roller blade or tie her shoe-lace. It is important to praise for the effort put into something instead of focusing on the outcome.
Focus on Process When Offering Praise
Remember to focus on the process and offer specific praise. This goes in hand with the saying "perfect practice makes perfect". Praising children for the effort put into something, as opposed to an outcome, highlights to them that hard work and perseverance in life is important. If you only praise them for what comes naturally to them, they are unlikely to want to put effort into something they are not so good at.
Positive Reinforcement Tips
Never offer money as a way to praise your child. Offering a monetary reward for success means that your child will be motivated by money and not the positive feeling of success.
Praise should also be specific. You should say to your child "you are really good at hitting the ball hard" as opposed to "you are a good tennis player". This will help your child identify with his particular skills.
Most importantly, be sincere in your praise. Sometimes spontaneous praise offered by parents is more meaningful to a child than the everyday expected words of encouragement offered by the over positive parent.
Like everything in life praise should be offered in moderation. Perhaps when in doubt reflect on the activity you are about to praise and consider if it is something that your child normally does or if it was something different. Focus on the process and remember, too much praise can sound hollow and meaningless to a child.
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