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Parent Praise and PerformanceNegative Effects of Parental Approval on Child Motivation And Effort
Cognitive psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck's mindset self-theory is applied to the parenting challenge of child motivation. Help children reach their fullest potentials.
Motivating children to give their best effort is one of the most frustrating parenting problems. You’ve tried nagging, pleading, bribing, and punishment to change behavior, but your child still isn’t performing up to her potential. Consider how you praise accomplishments. Cognitive psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck examines how self-perception influences success in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Mindset research shows the more children are praised for performance, the lower their motivation and effort on future tasks. Children receiving the most praise scored highest on fixed mindset measures. Fixed MindsetChildren with a fixed mindset believe their personal attributes cannot change with hard work and persistence. Their IQ, athletic ability, and artistic talents seem natural gifts or deficiencies. Even when a child with a fixed mindset excels in an area, the perception is that successes result from fixed ability. People with fixed mindsets often avoid challenges and expend the least effort in their strongest areas. This results in failure to reach their fullest potential. What explains this self-defeating behavior? Those with fixed mindsets define self-worth based on performance. If they have to work hard or don’t quickly succeed when faced with a new challenge, they experience a drop in self-esteem. Their perception is they aren’t smart or talented enough if it feels difficult. Success should come easily with little effort if they possess natural ability. Parents and PraiseChildren with fixed mindsets are constantly judging themselves. When praising a high test score in math, a great game, or a piano piece quickly mastered, your child gets the message he must perform perfectly and effortlessly to be a good person. When the child faces stiffer competition, encounters unfamiliar concepts, or needs to work harder to perform, he or she is likely to give up to preserve self-esteem by avoiding possible failure. But what is the alternative? The Growth MindsetDr. Dweck contrasts fixed mindset with growth mindset. Children with growth mindsets believe, through hard work and effort, they can improve intelligence, athletic skill, and creativity. When children with growth mindsets encounter challenges, they just work harder. If a skill doesn’t come easily, they practice more and seek help rather than trying to hide inability behind a disinterested façade. How can you help your child develop a growth mindset? Praise Effort Not PerformanceWhen your child does well on homework or excels in a sport, focus accolades on processes achieving the result. Say, “Wow, you really studied hard for that test and it paid off.” Compliment persistence and effort. Remind your child of the many piano lessons and practice coming before a stellar recital. Praise instances of seeking assistance from parents, teachers, and coaches. Avoid comments such as “She’s a natural,” “He’s a budding Beethoven,” or “You finished that report so quickly!” Make sure your comments about others’ abilities also reflect a growth mindset. Children are always listening and forming their own mindset. Focus on growth for tasks quickly and effortlessly accomplished. Ask if your child remembers how a year ago it would have seemed too difficult. When your child is bored, rushes through an assignment, or does sloppy work, apologize for the easy task and present a challenge. Motivate a gifted underachiever to stay focused on busy work below his ability by stressing development of good study skills for future challenges. Turn mundane tasks into mental games for developing focus. More Parenting TipsDr. Jane Nelsen’s parenting series Positive Discipline incorporates Dr. Dweck’s motivational mindset theory. For more information on effective parenting strategies, Nelsen’s books are an excellent resource. Criticism is the flip side of praise. Use positive discipline to provide constructive criticism in a manner developing a growth rather than fixed mindset.
The copyright of the article Parent Praise and Performance in Parenting Methods is owned by Carla Marie Boulianne. Permission to republish Parent Praise and Performance in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.
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