Help Children to Communicate

Poor communication skills and inability to converse easily can affect children as they try to develop relationships - even into adulthood.

Set the Right Example

Children learn by following the examples set before them and need to learn the art of conversation at home first. Too often, parents do not make the effort to converse with their children because the day's pressing concerns take priority. For example, many parents do not much more than ask a few closed questions at the end of a busy day such as "Is your homework finished?" or "What did you have for lunch?" Instead, take the time to show a personal interest in them. Draw them out by asking viewpoint questions such as "How does that make you feel?" or "Why do you say that?"

Another mistake adults make at times is to exclude children from adult conversations or to tell the child to stop interrupting when he is trying to contribute to the conversation. If this happens regularly enough, eventually the child will search for his peers or his toys and will not want to be around adults when they are together.

Worse still, if the child is ignored while the adults around him chat on, oblivious to his presence, he will either learn to dominate the conversation and insist on being heard, or else he will become used to being excluded and quietly retreat physically or mentally. Children need to feel included and need to feel that their opinions are valid and important . A suggestion here is to leave serious "adult talk" to a more appropriate time, like after the kids have gone to bed or while they are at school. Children will never become adept at conversation if adults pass on bad conversation skills.

Invest the Time - Reap the Rewards

Take the time to show a personal interest in them. Think about open ended questions which allow them to express themselves. Ask them to describe something, like what their dream pet would be and what they would name it. Ask viewpoint questions, such as "Why do you say that?" or "How does that make you feel?"

Maintain eye contact when you are conversing with children. Focus and avoid mind-wandering.

The Media - Useful or Harmful in Excess?

Limit TV viewing and video games and use that time to interact with the child. Joe Camp, author of many articles highlighting the dangers of excessive TV viewing makes this point: "Intensive viewing may reduce stimulation to left-hemisphere systems critical for development of language, reading and analytical thinking," he says in the article entitled "Passive brains retain sensations, not information".

Questions that Make Kids Think

Question children or teenagers to draw them out, but do not make it sound like an interrogation and do not over-react if they say something shocking! This will shut down the conversation with a real possibility that they will not open up again.

Encourage the teenager to take an interest in other people by preparing some well thought out questions. These questions should not be of the prying kind "Why did your mom and dad split up?" nor should they be show-off questions like "Do you know the 7 wonders of the ancient world?" General knowledge questions and viewpoint questions work well such as "Mr. Smith in class today said we face a global warming crisis, how do you think this could be solved?" Encourage kids to practice conversing with people of all ages.

Without question, the effort it takes to teach children to be effective communicators, to have good social skills, develop relationships and be charming will be worth it. Their future depends upon it.

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