Raising an Independent Child
Foster Self-Confidence and Leadership via Consistent Parenting Rules
Jul 24, 2007
As you may know from experience, children have different temperaments. Some children are shy, some are boisterous and some are independent. If you have an independent child, you know it can be a challenge. Independent children can grow up to do great things, even when the odds are against them. Here are a few ideas on how to raise independent (even spirited) children with strength and grace.
Independent Children as Role Model and Leaders – Your independent child will likely be a leader in and out of school. This child won’t get talked into things just because other kids are doing it. As long as you instill good values in your independent child, he’ll actually be likely to lead others in the right direction. He can be a valuable role model to others and can influence other children to make positive choices in their every day lives.
Self-confident Children – If you encourage your child’s independence, you’ll see a confident self image shine through. These kids want to do things for themselves and make their own decisions. If you let them do so where appropriate, you’ll see a great deal of confidence come out.
Foster Independence
As much as we might respect our child’s independence from afar, we can experience quite a level of frustration when it’s directed at us. As a parent you need to channel your child’s independence, help your child identify when it is time to “follow the group” and when they can let their spirits charge forward.
Explain the Rules to Children– Of course, independent children can’t be allowed to make all their own rules. You have to hold firm and stay in the alpha position with a spirited child. Set the rules and explain them. Most importantly don't change them.
If you explain the rules, you’ll get better cooperation from your strong-willed child. The simplest rules, like “always hold my hand in the parking lot” can make a young independent one want to rebel. But, if you take the time to really illustrate the dangers in a parking lot, you’ll have fewer fights about it. Appeal to your child’s intelligence, most independent kids are quite smart, they will respond to reason.
Be a Consistent Parent– Children need to know what to expect from you. The rules, rewards and punishments should be consistent. This will make your child behave better and be less likely to question your authority. Your independent child will often try to re-write or stretch the rules, make sure you reign them in with consistent expectations or a power struggle will ensue.
When the consequences of their mistakes won’t be dire, let them make a few. It’s a great opportunity for them to learn, and it will help them to realize that they’re not as invincible as they think. Let their peer group reign them in – When the independent child let’s their bossy qualities outshine their leadership skills, their peer group will let them know where they stand. Allow your child as much of the independence they crave as you can. In the long run, you’ll raise a more confident and self-sufficient adult!
