How to Be a Better Mom or Dad

Growing as a Parent is a Process, Take it One Step at a Time.

Jan 5, 2007 Barbara Gibson

The New Year is a time of new beginnings and great expectations. Perhaps you've made the usual resolutions; if better parenting is among them here's some help.

A brand new year is traditionally a time for reflection and promise. If better parenting is among the promises you've made to yourself, that's great! Here are a few ideas to support you each step of the way.

1. Don't throw the baby out with the bath water - During a recent parenting class, one mom lamented her son's bad behavior during a holiday family gathering. She was so discouraged that she thought maybe she needed to rethink everything about how she approached parenting and adopt an entirely new approach. When I asked about his behavior overall, she admitted that most of the time her son is a pretty good kid. Well, I said, You must be doing something right.

Before you make changes to the way you approach parenting, take time to notice what is working, what your strengths are, and what you're doing right. Make a list if you need to. When you use a strengths-based approach, you can more confidently build on what's working. It's really easy to feel discouraged and overwhelmed when you only think about what you're doing wrong.

2. Choose one behavior that you want to work on a time - Once you've made a list of all your great parenting habits you'll also want to make a short list of parenting skills you want to improve (the "needs improvment" list should be shorter than the "I'm great at this" list).

There are a couple of ways you can approach this list. You might decide to pick a skill that you can improve quickly so that you get the boost of immediate success; or you might choose to priortize your list by putting the things that bother you most at the top of the list and work your way down.

3. Make your goals SMART - SMART goals are: Specific, Measurable, allow for Accountability, are Realistic and Time limited.

For example: I'm going to be a better parent in 2007 sounds great, but vague.

What will it mean to a better parent? How will you behave differently? For example, will you speak more kindly and reduce name-calling or yelling? By how much? Over what period will you work toward eliminating the behavior entirely? How will you (or have someone else) be held accountable if you continue name calling or yelling at the same rate? What positive behavior will you adopt to replace the behavior you are reducing?

4. Line up support - Share your goals with your spouse, partner or a good friend. Talk about your motivation for improving your parenting, identify potential obstacles and plan strategies for navigating these pitfalls. The person you choose should be available to cheer you on and encourage you when you get off track.

5. Take good care of yourself - Let's face it, we do better when we feel better.

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