School Phobia Tips
How to Deal with Anxiety about School
Many children are at risk for this phenomenon which often shows up as, "If it's Monday, I have a tummy ache!" Some of the causes include physical ailments, emotional losses or issues, and a conviction that school gives more pain than gain. Situations like these set a child up for re-enacting past fears and pains.
Identifying School Anxiety
In a loving but misguided effort to protect them, adults often accidentally reinforce tendencies toward school phobia by avoiding rather than facing the school anxiety. This avoidance lets the child believe such fears are something unsolvable and thus not to be discussed. It seems ironic that the path out of pain is often to turn and face it. Experience by school personnel bears this out.
It is not always clear that a child is avoiding school. However, you can check the calendar to verify if absences are usually after a three day weekend or other break in the pattern of school attendance. Problems with re-entry can signal school anxiety. There are ways to help children overcome school phobia.
Using Strategies to Reduce Anxiety about School
If you know, or even sense, that your child may be at risk for school anxiety when it is time to return to school after time away, there are some positive preventive measures that can help. These involve dealing honestly with the specter of negative feelings about school. Meanwhile institute clear structure clarifying what is appropriate and acceptable.
Help your child look at the possible advantages of school. Regular assertive parenting with clarification of expectations sets the stage. Talk through school fears and concerns. Take care not to encourage "riding" or obsessing, on bad feelings. The ultimate goal is to recognize and empathize with the anxieties on the way to letting them go.
A good policy for minor aches and pains is to express caring while not using them as proper excuses for missing school. Clearcut criteria, consistently and lovingly reinforced, can make a difference. Consult your school nurse for a recommended rule of thumb about differentiating between physical and avoidance symptoms.
A headache may be answered with, "Sometimes I have one too. They usually go away before too long." Stomach aches can be treated with minor antacids and comments like, "That happens sometimes." Insistence by the child about either could be responded to with a statement about maybe the child needs to go to bed early to make tomorrow easier at school. Since they have no experience to provide this knowledge, children sometimes need to be taught that some of life involves complaints that gradually get better, and that it is quite normal.
Managing Children's Sick Days
Of course it is necessary to stay in touch with your pediatrician to clarify any physical problems which need attention. Your doctor can help you decide which problems require medical attention.
When you do keep an ill child home, don't make it an attractive activity. Having too much fun when home sick can rise the child's temptation to choose the reward of staying home rather than responsibility the next time a frustration occurs. Sick children need to be kept fairly quiet, not watching their favorite TV programs, riding bikes, or doing special art or other "togetherness" projects.
If recent school history points to avoidance tactics, you may also have to stipulate consequences, emphasizing systems of earning rather than punishment. This frames the situation in the child's mind as a goal rather than an obstacle. "If you make it on Monday, you can watch your favorite TV show that night." Never threaten to withhold special family occasions like birthdays, Christmas, or other major symbols of unconditional love!
Observing these guidelines won't hurt a truly sick child, and will lay a firm groundwork for what being ill means. Sick days which are too pleasant become an addictive attraction for a child not in the mood for school on a particular day.
Being a Good Role Model
Remember that adults present a role model which is significant in a child's choice of behaviors. The next time you have a headache or other minor aches and pains, casually point out your coping strategy, allowing your child to emulate your positive example.
There are ways to help a child with school anxiety. It can be done facing the issue squarely by validating the child's feelings, identifying the school anxiety, using strategies to reduce anxiety about school, managing sick days, and being a good role model yourself.
Such children can work their way through the process and come out with an improved self-esteem and better feelings and habits about school.
Anxious Child
|
What do you think about this article?
More in Partners & Parents
Latest Articles