Helping Children Cope with New Sibling Arrivals
Encouraging Your School-Age Child to be Involved with a New Baby
It is often apparent when standing in a playground of young children, that many of the mothers of these pupils are either planning another pregnancy or are well and truly on their way to adding to their young families.
Starting school in itself can be a traumatic experience for little ones. The morning school-run routine, coupled with all the rules and conventions they are expected to remember once inside the school building is a lot for a small child to cope with. Having the reassurance of a parent there when they enter or leave school each day makes them feel secure in the knowledge that they are loved and have not just been “dumped” for the day.
So, imagine how young children must feel when they are confronted by the fact that, not only are they no longer at home during the day and free to do what they want, but that their place at home is being usurped by a tiny sibling. And this sibling is not just at home all the time, but gets the attention, coos and cuddles of everyone around, all day long, while they are having to find their own ways of coping with life at school.
It is obvious from this that a degree of resentment and jealous could build up and, over time, cause you, as a parent, problems between the older and younger children – if you let it. But there are simple measures you can take which can help to prevent jealousy and also begin to create a strong bond between your children which will last a lifetime.
Making First Contact With Your Baby
If you know the sex of your baby, and if you have already decided upon a name, let your school-age child in on the secret. While you two are having a bonding session of your own, reading together, talking, playing and letting the child feel your moving “bump”, call the future sibling by the name you wish it to be known and allow your child to do the same. That way, when the baby is born, it will not seem like such an alien being to your child, but instead, someone with whom your child has already made contact.
All children like to be given gifts. Before the baby is due, go out and buy your school-age child something very special – something that he is desperate to have – and make a huge deal when the baby is born that this present is from the new baby, just for them. This works particularly well if you feel that bewilderment and resentment has already shown its head, prior to the baby being born.
Don't Let Your Child be Ignored!
It is terribly important that, when he baby is born, visitors who come to see the new arrival do not just walk in, bypassing your little school child and make a beeline straight for the crib. Instead, when visitors arrive, place your child at the door to greet them, and if necessary, deliberately block the pathway of the visitors until they have made enough fuss of your eldest child before even seeing the baby. That way, your child will not feel neglected.
Many visitors will arrive bearing gifts for your new-born. Some will come to visit at a time when your child is at school and these kind, considerate visitors will cause you no problems on the jealousy front. But some won’t! If you know that is the case, try and encourage them to bring along something for your other child, too. And if you know that this particular visitor is unlikely to take the hint, make sure you have something on hand to give to your child. No child likes being left out.
Using the Visual, Verbal and Practical to Keep Contact with You
Take photos and gets some printed out as quickly as you can. Encourage your child to take a photo of the new sibling to school and to talk about the baby. You will find that teachers are receptive to this tactic and having a quiet word with the class teacher and explaining that you feel your child would benefit from being able to discuss the baby is a perfectly acceptable thing to do. Teachers will do what they can to ease the transition period for your youngster. After all, no teacher wants to face a moody, jealous pupil day in, day out, does she?
Allowing your child to talk about the new baby will encourage news from other children who are in the same position. This will make your child realise that he are not alone in his experiences. It is also a perfect opportunity to remember and describe what your child was like as a baby. Photos or film footage are great ways to encourage your child to “talk baby”. All children like talking about themselves.
It can be a bit of a nightmare, trying to ensure that your young school child is ready for the day ahead and the baby is settled, or that tea is actually being cooked and all the other chores are still being performed around your young family. Nevertheless, make time for your child to help you out with some of the simple tasks, such as fetching the baby wipes or telling the baby a story while your are giving the new sibling her feeding. Your child will feel involved and not isolated as you deal with the baby.
It is simple, therefore, to try and ensure that your new baby is brought into a family filled with love and not jealousy and potential animosity. Take the time to make space for your other little person at a very busy time and ensure that others also remember that your new baby has an older sibling who needs attention. Your school-age child will notice and appreciate it much more than the baby will! Of course, no method is foolproof, but remembering to love ALL the children in the family has to be the key to having happy siblings.
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