Spanking and Physical Discipline

Michael Popkin, PhD, Parenting Expert and President of Active Parent Publishing offered the following discipline and parenting advice on the Oprah episode – Mothers Who Lose Control.

Seek Support and Information

It has been said before and it remains true. Parenting is a tough job and sometimes the challenge requires moms, dads and other caregivers to seek support, information and ideas from others to navigate those challenges. This is true even if you aren’t at your wits end, and it is particularly true when it comes to discipline methods.

When it comes to discipline, many parents spank because it is what they learned from their own parents. Parents also spank because they aren’t aware of, or familiar with other methods that can help children manage their behavior. Besides, as the thinking goes, “my parents spanked me and I’m okay, so why not spank my own kids?”

Most parents have heard the arguments on both sides of the spanking fence. Whether or not you agree that spanking is appropriate, there are several reasons to include more than one strategy in your discipline tool box.

Reasons for Having Discipline Strategies:

• The possibility of losing control – particularly when parents are frustrated, spanking can escalate dangerously from swatting to physical harm.
• The impact on the child – spanking is thought to lead to aggression and mental health issues in children. This is especially true when the child perceives the spanking as arbitrary and the parent/child relationship is not secure.

Instead of physical discipline, Dr. Popkin suggests the following advice: “Give your kids some FLAC”

F - Listen for and affirm your child’s feelings

L – Set clear limits for your child (remember that limits should be appropriate for your child’s age, stage and temperament)

A – Offer alternatives or choices. Particularly if the issue you are facing feels like a power struggle, offering choices allows children to experience a feeling of autonomy and self-direction. (be sure you can live with all the choices you offer).

C – Help children understand that behavior has consequences (be sure those consequences are firm, fair and consistent).

Need more alternatives to spanking? Dr William Sears, a pediatrician and author, offers these suggestions:

• Consider a break or time out – even parents can benefit from a few moments to collect themselves on occasion.
• Use when and then – “when you have finished your chores, then you can go to the movies.”
• Replay or rewind – when behavior gets out of hand pull your child to the side, point out the offending behavior, name the behavior you would like to see and give your child another chance to get it right.

Says Sears - "Discipline is about having the right relationship with your child, not only the right techniques.” It’s what you do with your child, not to your child. Every minute of every day, you can instill the 'we' principle in your child: This is what we do, this is how we behave.”

Daphne with the Boys

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