Stop Bad Behaviors in Children
A Simple Plan for Ending Embarrassing or Problem Behavior in Kids
Problem behavior in children can range from mildly inconvenient to deeply disturbing. This plan is designed address bad behaviors by drawing on the strengths that a child already has, building self esteem and strengthening parent child bonds.
Pick a Bad Behavior
Setting a very simple goal is important so the child knows exactly what is expected of him or her. Take the example of a child that refuses to share with peers or takes toys from other children without asking. There is a distinction here between toddlers who have not learned how to share and the child in this example who understands sharing but, for whatever reason, chooses not too. The goal: He will share his toys and include other children in play.
Caught in the Act
Observing your child's actions for appropriate behaviors that you want to reinforce is called Positive Scan. Ideally, parents scan for behaviors that would make good replacements for the child's embarrassing behavior. In the current example, you watch him, or scan for any time when he spontaneously plays well with other children or acts generously or selflessly.
Stop Bad Behavior
Once you catch him in the act, you have the opportunity take the third and final step. You stop bad behavior by giving him praise for good behavior. Praise for a child's behavior should always be as descriptive as possible. A statement like, "Good job!" is not nearly as powerful to a child as, "How nice of you to include your friend with the building blocks. That's really great. I bet you can build something really great together."
It may seem like overkill but, it works wonders. You don't have to do this for every single move your child makes, just the ones address bad behaviors.
In order to be effective the praise also needs to be pure. What makes it pure? It's not what is in the praise, it's what is left out of it. When praising a child who has done it right there is often a temptation to add a zinger on the end of the praise.
Zingers are statements that usually begin with the words "but" or "why" and they completely destroy the positive impact of the praise. Take the example in the last paragraph, "How nice of you to include your friend... Why can't you do this all the time?" You just took some pure praise and tainted it. The question at the end literally turns the praise into criticism. That’s a zinger. When praising a child, zingers need to be avoided at all costs.
Repeat
If you consistently use Positive Scan to identify behaviors in your child that you want to reinforce and Pure Descriptive Praise to reinforce them, you will see noticeable results in his behavior.
This technique is used routinely in Therapeutic Foster Care Programs to help Seriously Emotional Disturbed (SED) children and teenagers modify their behavior and live more normal, happier lives. If it can work for them, odds are, it can work for your child.
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