Teach Children How to Problem Solve

Handle Social Situations, Prevent Tattling & Trust Your Child

Jul 31, 2008 Barb Hacker

Problem-solving skills help children handle social situations and decrease the need for tattling. Teach your child how to be a confident, life-long problem solver.

Childhood social problems range from the mundane toy sharing troubles to more complicated issues with peer relations. Many parents have a tendency to step in and direct a child’s relationships with his peers, dictating how and when to share, when to say sorry and how to negotiate. Yet, consistently doing the thinking for a child can leave him with little problem solving ability of his own.

According to Myrna B. Shure, Ph.D., author of Raising a Thinking Child, children who can problem solve are more confident, less aggressive and better able to make and keep friends. Fortunately, parents can teach their children these important problem solving skills.

How to Teach Problem Solving in Social Situations

One way to teach your child to problem solve is to practice before entering social situations. Playing with siblings helps, but if there are no siblings or they are too young to participate, roll play difficult social situations, such as those involving taking turns and sharing, with your child.

During practice, pretend a typical childhood conflict has arisen. Ask your child if he has any ideas on how he could handle the problem. Request that he tell you as many different solutions as he can. If he is stuck and can’t think of anything or only thinks of unacceptable solutions, such as hitting, help him by giving him some choices of what he can do. Let him try the one he is most comfortable with.

Then, when your child encounters a similar situation with friends, you can prompt him to come up with different possible solutions. It will become second nature to always ask your child for ideas on how to solve his own social problems and he will, eventually, begin coming up with alternative solutions without prompting.

Be an Active Parent in Social Situations to Prevent Tattling

When young children are playing together, it is not helpful to leave them to their own devices with the instructions to come get a parent if there is a problem. This teaches the child to look to the parent to solve problems and can be the root of many tattling problems. Stay nearby young children and be actively involved in parenting when they are with their peers to prevent a tattling issue from arising.

Trust in Your Child’s Ability to Make Good Decisions

Step back and let your child make decisions when she is solving her own problems. They may not be the decisions you would make, but let her find her own way and make mistakes.

Read Raising a Thinking Child

Read and follow the activities in Shure’s Raising a Thinking Child. This book educates parents on how to teach their child the language of effective problem solvers. Shure guides parents in games that teach children how to think, not what to think and do.

Children can learn to be effective problem solvers. Start by practicing difficult social situations, being an active parent when peers are present and by trusting your child’s decisions. Look to books for tips on teaching problem solving, such as Myrna B. Shure’s Raising a Thinking Child.

Source:

Shure, Ph.D., Myrna. Raising A Thinking Child: The ‘I Can Problem Solve’ Program. Simon & Schuster Pocket Books. New York. 1994.

The copyright of the article Teach Children How to Problem Solve in Parenting Methods is owned by Barb Hacker. Permission to republish Teach Children How to Problem Solve in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.