Teaching Kids to Get Along With Each Other
Strategies for Reducing Conflict and Promoting Cooperation at Home
May 26, 2009
Whenever children play or work together, conflicts can occur. Merely telling kids to get along doesn’t work – not because children want to fight, but because they often lack the skills necessary for cooperation, collaboration, or compromise. By incorporating the principles educators use to teach cooperation in the classroom, parents can also teach their children to cooperate with friends or siblings at home.
Positive Interdependence
One of the most important principles for promoting cooperation is positive interdependence. When children are positively interdependent, they must work together, each in his or her own role, in order to successfully complete a task. At home, this may mean sharing supplies for a project, or each having responsibility for a portion of a chore, which is then not considered complete until all portions are finished.
Children can learn to compromise, too. For example, when given permission to watch a movie and several children are deciding which movie to watch, arguments or hurt feelings can result. But even very young children can be taught strategies that allow them to successfully make group decisions. In this case, each takes a turn naming three movies they would agree to; they look for common ground, discuss the final alternatives and make a mutual decision.
Face-to-Face Interaction
Children get along best when they are involved with hands-on activities that foster communication and creativity. Parents can encourage face-to-face interaction by limiting screen time (TV, computer, and other electronics) and providing toys or play materials that require sharing, taking turns, listening, talking, and collaborating. For example, inventive role-playing games (such as playing house, restaurant, doctor’s office, or other “dress-up” play) require children to negotiate their roles and practice adult social skills while having fun.
Older children may also need some parental guidance to find constructive ways to interact with siblings or friends. They may enjoy completing crafts, playing noncompetitive sports or outdoor games, or volunteering together in the neighborhood or community; and during their involvement with these activities, they will also be learning to collaborate and cooperate with others.
Social Skills
While most children pick up appropriate social skills by taking cues from others during cooperative play, some skills may require extra practice. Parents and caregivers can structure activities to focus on particular social skills such as taking turns, active listening, and encouraging others, and help children understand what those skills look and sound like by modeling them first and praising them when they occur.
One particularly important social skill that may need practice is agreeing to disagree, meaning that children can express and retain their own opinions on things without arguing, fighting, or otherwise becoming disagreeable. By offering alternatives to these frequent negative responses, parents actually provide a model for later emotional maturity.
Reflection
Helping children become more aware of the ways they’ve learned to cooperate, and which strategies work best for them, will also help them get along better. By asking questions such as “How did you both decide that?” or “What are some ways you can divide up this task?”, parents encourage their children’s active participation in the choices that lead to cooperation, collaboration, and compromise. By answering, children learn and remember strategies that may work for them in the next situational conflict.
Teaching children to get along with each other is not necessarily easy, but is well worth the effort if the result is a more harmonious home. By following the principles of positive interdependence, face-to-face interaction, social skills, and reflection, parents and caregivers can give children the tools they need to successfully navigate any potential conflict.
 |
