Teach Empathy: Leading by Example

Building Your Child's Character via Modeling, Charity & Praise

Jun 1, 2007 Lynne Kenney

Teaching what "to do" not what "not to do" is the key to developing character.

Following our conscience can be tough at any age. But, for children, whose conscience is still developing, it can be a real challenge. So, how can you help your child do the right thing when faced with a dilemma? Here are some helpful hints to get (and keep) your child on the right track.

Lead by Example - We all have situations that require us to make moral decisions. When these situations arise, make sure you're doing the right thing yourself, and make sure to talk about it with your kids. We're not talking about tooting your own horn. But, if you're in a sticky situation and your child is aware of it, letting them know that you had a choice to make - and that the choice was difficult, will help them to think through situations when they arise. If they see you taking the moral high ground, they'll be much more likely to do so as well.

Teach Empathy - Let your children observe situations that help them develop empathy. We're often so consumed with providing a good life for our children, that we fail to show our children that not everyone has it as good. Empathy is really the skill of standing in someone else's shoes and knowing how it feels. Practice developing empathy with activities - Blindfold your children and play tag or put headphones on and walk into town. Of course, be safe while your learn and grow. Help your children observe the lives of others. Teach them to open the door for an elder person or allow a child with a disability on the swing set first. Those are the right things to do.

Model Giving Back - Why not spend part of this Summer digging a garden at a children's shelter? This Thanksgiving serve meals at a soup kitchen. Then help out with Toys for Tots this Christmas. When your children practice caring for others, they're more likely to consider how their decisions might benefit or hurt other people. This gives them that little "voice" that helps them do the right thing.

Praise Positive Behavior - When you witness your child doing the right thing, point it out. Sharing their toys, cleaning up a mess they made without being told, and following the rules at home without complaint are all situations that deserve your praise. If you make your children feel good about doing the right thing, they'll want to do it.

Have Appropriate Consequences for Not Doing the Right Thing - Sometimes, when your children choose not to do the right thing, the results may include lying, cheating, stealing and losing friendships. These behaviors should be addressed with consequences that teach - that they'll remember.

Pre-determine consequences for behaviors such as pushing, shoving or being selfish. Involve your children in generating your consequence list, so that they are committed to the consequence process. Make consequences relate to the infraction and focus on giving back, improving or repairing relationships.

Allow Reality To Teach Lessons - Don't cover up for your child. For instance, if you catch your child stealing, you should make him return the item to the owner at once, and fess up to what he did as part of the teaching experience. It's likely that having to own up to what he did will teach him a lesson he'll never forget.

Teaching your children to be responsible is about showing them the "right thing to do." Do so by modeling, using age-appropriate expectations and teaching life lessons every day. It is possible to raise empathetic, sympathetic and caring kids with character in today's self absorbed world. It just takes some patience, attention, teaching and caring on your part.

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