Fatal car accidents involving teens are among parents' worst nightmares. There are no guarantees, even with preparation, but we still have to keep talking to our teens.
The teen years are a heady time filled with new experiences and challenges. It is easy to understand the common feeling of invincibility among teens. Often, it is the risk taking, fueled by the feeling of invincibility, that makes this time so exhilarating for teens and so worrisome for parents.
Teen driving is one of the biggest of those worries. Newspapers, radio and television abound with stories of promising young people gone suddenly…and too soon. There are few more piercing heartbreaks.
There are no easy answers or guarantees. Still, we have to keep talking to our kids. We also have to lead by example; show them what safe driving looks like.
Teens learn not only from listening to what we say (yes, they do listen), but also by watching what we do.
So...what are parents to do?
Model good driving behavior
- Avoid speeding
- Devote your full attention to the task at hand - driving. Save eating, cell phone dialing and conversations, and other activities for red lights or other more appropriate (read safe) times.
- Always be sure to fasten your safety belt and make sure that passengers follow suit. When teens are in the habit of fastening safety belts the habit sticks when they get behind the wheel.
- Don’t drink and drive – You may be perfectly fine after a glass or two of wine at the restaurant on family night, but your teen will only see that you drank and (thankfully) made it home safely. Drinking and driving don’t mix – especially when teens are involved. Avoid modeling this behavior.
Value safety over style
- Do a little detective work to find your teen a car with the best safety record. It may be tough, but don't give in to requests for a car that is more dazzling than dependable.
Let your teen assume some responsibility
- Sure, it feels good to hand over car keys to your teen - but it also feels good for a teen to earn the car and/or driving privileges.
- Make sure your teen understands that driving is a privilege. If you discover that your teen has broken the safety rules you have established as a condition for retaining the privilege of driving, it is important to revoke those privileges to show that - A. Your teen's safety is more important than whether s/he is angry with you about not being able to drive; B. Your inconvenience at having to resort to taxiing again will not motivate you to relax those rules; and C. You mean what you say.
Before privileges are reinstated parents may want to institute a program of restitution. For example: teens may be expected to pay for their own speeding tickets or increased insurance costs.
Suggestions for teen road rules include limitations around:
- Curfew
- Distance
- Passengers
- Speed
- Drinking and driving
- Aggressive driving behaviors
- Multi-tasking
Every parent wants the best for their child. Our worries often increase in direct proportion to our teen’s growing independence. Talk with your teen early and often to encourage a period of independence that is about being safe, responsible and…alive.
