Ten No-Nagging Tips for Parents

Many parents find themselves repeating the same instructions time after time. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of nagging, with the result that your child actually tunes out what you’re saying. Read on to find out how to break free from nagging and bring in positive parenting.

How to Encourage Positive Behavior in Children

The key to end nagging is to change your own attitude to certain situations. Repeating the same request over again does nothing for you or your child. Try these tips for a new perspective.

Decide What is Important to Nag About

Pick your battles. Driving home the idea of road safety is never wasted. But do you really need to make a point about every crumb dropped on the floor? Decide what issues are most important to you as a parent and concentrate on these.

Anticipate Nagging Flashpoints

If you always nag your child to get dressed after breakfast, change things around. Encourage him to dress first, then have breakfast. With the prospect of food, he might be more keen to cooperate.

Start a Reward Scheme to Encourage Positive Behaviour

Everyone likes to receive praise. Instead of concentrating on what your child isn’t doing, focus on the times when he does cooperate. Implement a star chart, with a small reward after a certain number of stars are achieved. If he forgets to hang up his coat as you asked, mention that next time he hangs up his clothes, he’ll get a star on his chart. A star chart is a positive, visual incentive to good behavior.

Use Praise in Positive Parenting

As with other areas of parenting, positivity can go a long way when you’re caught in the nagging trap. If you can’t avoid mentioning what your child didn’t do, try to counter-balance this with acknowledging a good thing that he did. Perhaps he forgot to brush his teeth again, but he did wash his hands. Make a big deal out of what he did well and your nag can just be a sideline.

Assess Your Child's Individual Skills

Are you expecting more of your child than he can reasonably deliver at his stage in life? Listen to other parents when they discuss everyday life. You’ll learn about what other kids are doing and can use this as a guide. Of course, every child is different, but knowing roughly what to expect will help you pitch your expectations accordingly.

Listen to Your Child

If you don’t listen to your child’s wants and needs, you can’t expect him to consider yours. Nagging stems from a child not listening to a parent, and that parent feeling frustrated. So, when your child has something to say, give him the attention you’d expect him to give you. Then, when you want to ask something of him, you’ve already set a positive example.

Make Your Language More Positive

If you feel your child no longer listens to you, it could be that he has simply become immune to the same demands. If you’re constantly asking your child to tidy up, put things in a more positive way. For example, instead of saying: ‘Tidy this room, it’s too messy to move in here.’ Try: ‘Shall we tidy up together, then we’ll have more room to do this jigsaw?’ If you get involved yourself, the task may seem less overwhelming to your child.

Explain Your Reasoning to Encourage Cooperation

Remember that a child can’t always see the reasoning behind the things a parent wants him to do. So, if you want him to get dressed in the morning, explain that once he’s dressed, he can go outside to play. Or if you’re constantly asking him not to step off the sidewalk, tell him that you wouldn’t want him to get hurt by a passing car.

Use Humor to Difuse a Situation

Sometimes a bit of light relief is all that’s needed, rather than repeating your request for a tidy room yet again. Stage a pretend fall over a toy which has been left on the floor. Most children love slapstick humor and the distraction can be enough to get the job done.

What to do if Your Child Really Won't Listen

If all else fails and you really want to make a point, refuse to get drawn into any other discussion until your child cooperates. The prospect of being ignored is often enough to spur him into action.

Resources

Pantley, Elizabeth Kid Cooperation: How to Stop Nagging, Yelling and Pleading and Get Kids to Cooperate [New Harbinger Publications, 1996]

Eden, Alvin Positive Parenting: Raising Healthy Children From Birth to Three Years [Hatherleigh Press, 2007]

A Trip Outdoors is a Great Incentive

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