The Middle Child Syndrome
Tips for Helping Your Middle Child Cope and Thrive
Sometimes the middle child in a family feels caught between a rock and a hard place. There are ways to make this child feel like one of the family.
Some studies have shown that children born in the middle display low self-esteem, have adjustment problems, often feel left out, and struggle with direction both in childhood, as well as later in life (© 2007 MSNBC Interactive). While this is not true of every middle child, because of birth order placement, middle children do tend to struggle with identity issues more so than oldest or youngest children. This can be associated with the fact that these children are neither the first born, nor are they “the baby” of the family; therefore, they may struggle more to find their place in the order of things.
Children who have strong sense of identity and once that is not related to their order of birth in the family, will have a better chance of avoiding the middle child syndrome. Some important things that moms and dads can do to help ensure that their child has this sense of identity are listed below.
Special Days
Have “special” days for each of your children. Designate one day of the week as “Johnny’s day” another as “Mary’s” and another as “Bobby’s.” Giving children this individual attention lets them know they are special to you, and to the family as a whole. On your child’s special day allow her to choose what your family watches on TV, what you will have for dinner, etc.
Finding Talent and Gifts
Help your middle child find her own unique gifts and talents. Children who have opportunities to excel in any area will be much more likely to feel good about themselves and their place in the family, as well as in the world.
Expect Individuality
Don’t expect your middle child to like the same things as your older child, or to excel in the same areas. Allow your middle child to be unique. Resist the temptation to “compare” children, or to encourage the middle child to be “like” an older brother or sister. (When Johnny was your age he...) Likewise, don’t allow your middle child to compare herself with older siblings either. Stress the idea that they aren’t in competition with brothers and sisters, and don’t need to try to be “as good as” them at anything.
Praise Works Wonders
Praise your middle child for the things she does well. Look for the things that make your middle child special and different from brothers and sisters, and encourage them in those areas.
"Me Time" with Parents
Spend at least an hour a week individually, with each of your children. Take that child to the park, or to a movie, or out for ice cream. The activity you decide on doesn’t matter as much as the fact that you are spending one to one time with that child.
No Competition Here
Stress non-competitiveness in your family. Don’t pit children against each other in races, sports or other games that encourage competitiveness. This will only encourage your middle child to “try to do better than” other children in your family.
While middle child syndrome is a common phenomena, there is evidence to suggest that when parents take these simple steps, middle child syndrome can be counteracted, and even eliminated altogether in almost all families.
