Time Out for Better Behavior
Five Principles for Getting Better Results
In his article, Principles of Time Out, Dr. Robert Needleman, Vice President of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics with the renowned pediatrician, Dr. Spock’s company, offers the following principles. These should be tailored to meet the specific needs and values of your family.
Principle One – Remain Calm
Needleman reminds us with his first principle that the purpose of time out is to extinguish behavior by removing all attention. Frustrated parents sometimes sabotage themselves by unintentionally rewarding the very behavior they are trying to reduce. When the child receives a reward or payoff in the form of attention (even negative attention, such as shouting or cajoling) he or she gets the message that the behavior works. The child, therefore, has no motivation to change the behavior, which most likely will increase.
Principle Two – Timeout is Most Effective when there is Plenty of "Time In"
In other words, your time out plan should represent a departure from “business as usual.” If you usually spend playful, fun time with your child rather than leave him to fend for himself, the effect of time out is stronger. Without regular time in the child does not experience what you intend as the consequence of time out. In essence, the message is lost.
Principle Three – Minimize Attention During Time Out
As much as possible, remove yourself from this process. Direct your child to the designated time out spot and set a timer (generally one minute for each year - e.g. 5 minutes for a five year old). Do not allow yourself to be drawn into any interactions during this time. If the child remains seated quietly, she can resume regular activities when she hears the timer signal that five minutes have passed. If the child continues to be disruptive, the timer should be reset each time until the child sits quietly for the entire time out period. Initially, this may take some time until the child learns that you are serious and will not give in to whining, begging or promises to behave.
Principle Four – Make Time Out Short
Again, time out should last only about one minute per year of your child’s age. When the time out period is extended, the connection between the infraction and consequence is often lost. Needleman advocates short time outs for another reason – you can get of more of them in. Using the example of a three year old running and screaming in the house, Needleman illustrates the power of short periods by noting that the child can return to time out each time the behavior occurs – which in some cases could be several times. With only a three minute time out period the child is more likely to remember why she is in time out. She may forget and start running and screaming soon after she returns to play, but mom or dad have more opportunities to reinforce the behavior they want by returning her consistently to time out each time the undesirable behavior occurs. Says Needleman, it would be difficult to achieve the same results with a longer time out.
Principle Five – Don’t Threaten, Act
If you say, stop running or you will have 7 minutes in time out, your child should be reasonably certain that if he continues to run he will find himself in time out. When you don’t follow through with what you say, kids quickly learn that what you say doesn’t mean anything.
Next Up? What to do when time out just doesn’t seem to work.
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