Although we try hard to get it right, all parents make mistakes. Take heart. All is not lost when you have the courage to correct your parenting course.
Particularly as our children get older, we may begin to see habits and personality traits that have us wondering where we "went wrong."
It may be that your child seems very materialistic, or selfish and unwilling to help out around the house, or even rude and hostile, or...you get the idea.
Maybe you did make a wrong turn somewhere on the parenting path. If so, all is not lost. it's never too late to correct your course.
Here are some suggestions:
- Plan a family meeting for a time when there are no interruptions, and everyone can give full attention to the discussion.
- Talk with your child about what you think s/he is doing well.
- Without shaming or blaming, also talk with your child about the problem behavior, as you see it. Talk about the behavior you would like to see instead.
- Invite your child to offer input and insight.
- Listen without planning your response, and with the intent to understand ( you don't have to agree to understand).
- Work together to develop a corrective action plan; including how the behavior you would like to see can be encouraged, and consequences that can be anticipated if the behavior does not develop.
Some additional tips:
- Start with a clean slate (there's no need to bring up past behavior, restrict all discussions about the behavior from this point forward to what you've seen since the meeting)
- Revisit the conversation periodically to note progress and tweak the corrective action plan.
- Be sure to recognize and encourage even small improvements (you may want to keep a chart).
- Follow through with the agreed upon consequences.
- Encourage yourself and your child.
- Be patient...change takes time.
