Limits are like lanes on the road. They help all of us move along the road safely and respectfully.
No matter how strongly they protest children need limits. Limits keep kids safe and provide boundaries within which they can mature, explore and build skills.
Here are a few tips for setting limits for children from toddlers to teens:
- Make your limits matter - limits should be reflective of the values you want to share with your child. They may relate to clothing and language (to swear or not to swear) choices or even activities (such as alcohol use or "R" rated movies). For example, wanting your child to be respectful of others may lead you to set limits around property damage or swearing. It may be less important to you to set limits about cleaning her plate at dinner each evening.
- Limit limits- Too many limits can restrict a child and reduce opportunities to explore and build new skills.
- Make sure limits are age appropriate - Some limits (particularly those related to safety, such as cooking and curfews) should be expanded as children grow and explore. Limits related to values will likely remain constant.
- Limits should be clear and consistent - Make it clear to children exactly what you expect of them and be consistent in your expectations.
- Let children help with limits - as children grow and gain life experiences they may want to have input in setting their limits. This should be encouraged but before discussion, get clear with yourself (if you are a single parent) or your partner about your bottom line. If you aren't sure about what your child is proposing consider coming back to the discussion after you have had some time to think or instituting a trial period. Avoid being pressured into expanding limits when you feel uncomfortable about it. Remember, limits are like lanes on the road. Improper turns and lane changes can cause accidents.
