Parenting Methods

Posted by Barb Hacker

Why Choose Cooperative Board Games?

Teaching cooperation skills helps children learn how to problem solve and how to work with others. And, cooperative games are fun. My oldest son and I played a cooperative game called Marsh Master (made in Vermont by Great Blue Productions) and were laughing quite hard as we worked together to put all the marsh creatures in their habitat before “Arnold Pathetic” made it around the board.

There are many cooperative games on the market. An on-line store called EcoToyTown has several that cost less than $20 and are appropriate for ages 3 and up. The themes vary, but they all involve working together to reach a goal.

What is Wrong with Traditional, Competitive Board Games?

Many experts have weighed in on the competitive nature of games in our society and what those games teach children. Parenting expert Alfie Kohn believes that competition is a matter of social training and not human nature.

We all know a young child who has a hard time with losing at board games. Some even have a hard time with winning, choosing to brag about the accomplishment. Instead of playing games that involve one person winning at another’s expense, parents can choose cooperative games for their children that involve the group working together to achieve a goal.

Skip the usual board games, think outside the box and give a cooperative game to the children in your life.

Source:

EcoToytown, “What is a Cooperative Game”, website, accessed May 14, 2008

Posted by Barb Hacker

I tend to believe that what we eat affects how we behave, so diet has been a recurrent theme in my Parenting Methods articles and blogs. I plan on addressing this topic more in the future and would love to have your ideas and thoughts. Please contact me if you have any questions or an idea for a topic you would like to see addressed in a future article.

Benefits of the Feingold Diet

Difficulties of the Feingold Diet

Children's Behavior and Diet

Posted by Barb Hacker

Any one who has read more than a few of my articles can probably tell that I don’t think spanking is an effective parenting tool. Not that I have written about spanking and, other than this blog, I don’t care to. But, I tend to write about gentle discipline and peaceful parenting techniques, which are incompatible with spanking.

So, when we were celebrating my middle son’s birthday a few nights ago, I told my kids that when I was a child I always got a birthday spanking. They were aghast that this was a tradition back then. I like to think that I am not that old, so the conversation really got me thinking how much parenting has changed in the last thirty years.

At least from my point of view it has changed. More moms than ever are choosing to breastfeed their babies. Dads are getting involved with their children like never before. And, the internet is helping parents research and find support for any parenting issues they may have.

However, spanking as a discipline technique has remained a stubborn fixture in our society. Slowly though, the word is getting out that it is time to replace spanking with better, more enlightened parenting techniques. In another thirty years maybe the concept of spanking will be as antiquated as birthday spankings are now.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Co-Sleeping

Here are all the Parenting Methods articles that mention co-sleeping.

Attachment Parenting: Co-sleeping, Discipline and Connecting with the School-Aged Child

Attachment Parenting Controversy: Why Breastfeeding, Babywearing and Co-sleeping are Misunderstood

The Pros and Cons of Co-Sleeping

Connection Between Behavior and Sleep

Most parents learn about the connection between behavior and sleep early. Here are some articles that will help you improve your child's sleep.

Children's Behavior and Sleep: Improve Sleep and Behavior with Exercise, Diet and a Bedtime Routine

A Consistent Bedtime Routine

Bedtime Stories

The Bedtime Story: Classic Chapter Books to Read to Your Child

Book Review

A Guide to Your Child's Sleep Review: AAP's Bad Advice on Breastfeeding, Co-Sleeping and Sleep Training

Posted by Barb Hacker

Sometimes, despite a parent’s best efforts, a tantrum erupts from one of our little ones. Every child has tantrums at some point and they can be hard to deal with no matter how patient the parent is. So, what do you do when a tantrum strikes?

My new favorite tantrum soothing technique is to offer my son a bath. He loves to take a bath and will readily agree to it even when he is upset. Within a minute or two of being in the bath, he is calm. These are the times that I let him stay in the bath and play as long as he wants.

To help make the bath even more soothing, I give him a bar of lavender soap and turn the lights down low. He has his favorite bath toys to play with and sometimes I will read him a story as he bathes. By the end of his bath, he is refreshed, calm and ready for a snack or some quiet time.

I wish I had discovered how effective this tantrum calming technique is earlier. He’s just about grown out of his tantrum phase. I am extremely grateful for that, but it would have been nice to have this trick up my sleeve a year ago!

I'd love to hear what you do to help calm tantrums for your children. Feel free to start a discussion and share some of your ideas.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Bedtime is often my favorite time of the day because I can relax with my boys and read them a great story or two. Here are some of our favorite, classic books that we have read several times.

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett (Dell Publishing 1987; originally published in 1911)

Spoiled and contrary Mary Lennox is sent to live with her uncle in England. She soon discovers a garden that has been closed up for ten years. As Mary learns how to care for the garden, she makes friends with a local boy and finds another secret hidden away in Misselthwaite Manor.

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum (Signet Classics 1984; originally published in 1900)

Children who find the movie to frightening to watch may enjoy the book. Dorothy and her new friends have to find their way to the Emerald City and are sent to kill the Wicked Witch of the West, but that is only half the story. The other half has them continuing on their journey to find Glinda so that Dorothy may finally return home to Kansas.

Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder (Harper Collins 1932)

The first book in the Little House series is written to appeal to both boys and girls. The story of young Laura and her family living in the woods in Wisconsin is sprinkled with the stories that Pa told his girls in the evenings. These short stories focus on Pa and his father and often involve wild animals and the dangers of pioneer life.

There are so many fantastic books to choose from, but the important thing is not what you read, but that you read to your children. Make it a nightly habit.

Posted by Barb Hacker

I started using a front baby carrier with my oldest son when he was a newborn just so I could get through the day. He had colic and the only way to keep him from crying was to wear him in the carrier and take him for walks around the neighborhood. I had never even heard of attachment parenting at that point, but I soon discovered that what I had started practicing just to keep my sanity was an actual parenting method.



With the birth of my second son, I graduated to a sling, specifically a Maya Wrap. He loved to be snuggled up in it. I wore him around the house so that I could get some light housework done and take care of his older brother. It seemed like the perfect multi-tasking solution. Unfortunately, when the baby was almost a year old, I threw my back out. In part, I think, because when I wore him in the sling, he was usually resting on my left hip, thus throwing off my center of gravity. The repeated stress of this caused my back to protest.



Now, as much as I like baby wearing, I’m a little more cautious. In order to keep a healthy back, any baby wearing mom should follow some back safety rules.

• Try to wear the baby in the center of your body as much as possible.
• Take frequent breaks.
• Do exercises that strengthen your core muscles.
• Opt to put the baby in a bouncy seat or bassinet if you are going to be doing chores.
• Don’t lift heavy objects, like full laundry baskets, while wearing your baby.

A few simple rules could save weeks or months of back pain. Enjoy wearing your baby, but be aware of your own physical limits.

Posted by Barb Hacker

I’ve wanted to write a co-sleeping article for some time, but I was hesitant. While I am a supporter of co-sleeping, I also know that it is not right for every family. I do not want to advocate co-sleeping for everyone. While it can be a good choice for many families, for some, it is down right dangerous.



I’m heartbroken every time I hear a news report about an infant who has died while co-sleeping. Sadly, I know that this happens, but I also know that the news reporters never cover the full story. There are always questions that remain unanswered in their blanket condemnation of co-sleeping. Was the parent drunk? Was the parent taking a medication that causes deep sleep? Was the parent obese? Were the parent and baby sleeping on an un-safe surface, like a waterbed?



Bed sharing can be extremely beneficial for mothers and babies. I would wager that most breastfeeding mothers do end up co-sleeping at some point with their infants. Most, however, choose not to talk about it. Since infants need to nurse every two hours, it is pretty difficult for the mother to get any sleep if she chooses not to co-sleep. Because the infant never feels abandoned and alone, sleep problems in those early months can be virtually non existent when a family chooses co-sleeping.



Still, I was hesitant to write a co-sleeping article. I know that it is not for everyone and I would never recommend it lightly. I wanted to write an article that would be fair and look at the co-sleeping issue from both sides, but also focus heavily on co-sleeping safety. I hope that is what I have accomplished with The Pros and Cons of Co-Sleeping.

Posted by Barb Hacker

The most stressful thing for me to deal with as a parent is sibling rivalry.

Some days are great and I pat myself on the back and think I must be doing something right. Other days are awful and the boys fight so much I think they must hate each other and that I am a completely ineffective parent.

The sibling rivalry issue is the one issue I have yet to find adequately addressed in a parenting book. There is Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish (W.W. Norton & Co., Inc. 1987), but that doesn’t seem to address the specific sibling needs in my house.

My two oldest boys are five years apart and at two very different developmental levels. The preschooler looks up to his older brother and wants to do things that he is not developmentally ready for, like play with Bionicles. His older brother gets frustrated with his pestering for help. Sometimes the oldest is too helpful and doesn’t let the younger brother learn things on his own.

A hard lesson for me has been that I need to step back and let them sort out their disagreements. This is a delicate balance with two kids in this age range though. The older boy has much better negotiation and communication skills. I need to give them a chance to sort it out, but be ready to step in if the youngest is getting too frustrated or if he refuses to give his brother any space.

Still, I recognize that compared to some, I’ve got it easy on the sibling rivalry front. At least until the youngest of the three is old enough to join in the fray.

Posted by Barb Hacker

I read an advice column that had a letter from a reader complaining about how rude a mother in a store was because her child was having a tantrum. She suggested that the mother needs to immediately take the offending child out of the store.



The woman’s opinion bothers me for several reasons.



I have been shopping and ended up with a child throwing a tantrum in the store. I do everything I can to prevent grocery store tantrums, but sometimes they happen anyway. I am a stay at home mom with three kids and a tight schedule. I do not have the time or the patience to leave a half-filled shopping cart and come back another day to shop.



A tantrum is an emotional outburst. Sure, sometimes they can be loud and even annoying to listen to, but sending the message that our emotions are something to be hidden seems counterproductive to me. Learning how to control emotions as we mature is one thing, but learning to be embarrassed about them is another.



I do not believe it is a good discipline practice to leave a store whenever a child tantrums. A child that is removed from the store when he tantrums is likely to learn that his outburst will mean he gets to go home. In the future, he may use this as a tool to leave any situation he is bored or impatient with.



I have ridden out grocery store tantrums with my head held high. More often than not, I have gotten sympathetic looks from other parents who are thanking their lucky stars that they are not in my shoes. These are the parents that have been there before and know they will probably be there again.