Parenting Methods

Posted by Barb Hacker

We had a stomach virus go through our family recently. Luckily, it was a mild one. But, it still made for a difficult day or two, especially the day that I was sick. With three kids at home, the youngest an infant, it was a long day. I was counting the minutes until my husband came home from work.

Days when I am sick are the times that I let things coast in the house a little. The television becomes a welcome friend and remains on most of the day. I also relax my screen time rules for my oldest son and let him play computer games longer than usual.

With the two older kids occupied in front of a screen, I just had the baby to care for. This was the most challenging part of the day, but I kept nursing him, confident that my breastmilk will keep him from getting the virus.

To end the day, my husband picked up dinner on the way home and we all went to bed early. So, it wasn't a great parenting day. There was no connection time, very little of our usual routine and a lot of short tempers. Luckily, this virus was a quick one and we are on to better days already.

Posted by Barb Hacker

I just read the book Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers (Ballantine Books, 2004) by Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. and Gabor Mate, M.D. This was one of those gripping books that I couldn't put down. Neufeld captures perfectly the reasons why parents should work at developing and keeping an attached relationship with their children.

Attachment parenting took on a whole new meaning for me. I now finally understand the importance of attachment past the infant and preschool years. This will be one of those books that I refer to again and again throughout the years.

I recommend that every parent read Hold on to Your Kids. It will change the way you think about parenting and about your children's peers for good.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Trying to put clothes away in my son's dresser, I am likely to step on a Lego or two. If you've ever done this, you know how much it hurts. Bedroom cleaning seems to be an on again/off again struggle for him. Sometimes, he can stay somewhat on top of it. And, sometimes he can't. At those times, there's usually much more than one or two Legos on the floor.

I'm not entirely sure why, but I know that if he is left completely to his own devices for cleaning his room, it will gradually get worse and worse. Verbal requests from me to clean up aren't usually enough. I need to get active and help him tackle the mess. One way we have dealt with it in the past is to organize his toys. The key to this is to make sure there are not too many toys out in his room at any one time. Too many toys means too many for a child to manage.

It's time for us to organize, purge and donate toys again. Maybe then I won't step on any Legos. At least not for a few weeks.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Many public libraries have summer reading programs for children. If you haven't already, now is the time to sign up.

It's important to keep your kids reading over the summer months. Children that continue to read throughout the summer will maintain the reading skills they worked on over the school year. And, there is something magical about curling up with a good book to pass the time over summer vacation.

As Shel Silverstein said in Runny Babbit, "Bead a Rook"!

Posted by Barb Hacker

I am currently reading Your Four Year Old: Wild and Wonderful by Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D., & Frances L. Ilg, M.D. (Dell Publishing 1976). I'm only part way through the book, but already I've found myself alternating between relief and excitment about my four-year-old's behavior.

It's nice to finally understand that his bounciness is typical for his age. Four year olds like to test the boundries, but like to know that the boundries are there. They can be aggressive and even mean, at times. They can frustrate their parents and their siblings.

But, four year olds also are full of fun and energy. They like to see and do new things. They enjoy small neighborhood trips, like a walk to a neighbor's house to see a back hoe at work. They love new songs and silly rhymes, as well as new, interesting toys. Toys do not need to be expensive to please a four year old. For instance, my four year old was thrilled with a simple plastic slinky that a favorite aunt gave him a week ago.

I've read a few of the child development books by Ames. She always amazes me with her attention to the details of each particular age. I highly recommend her books for any parent that is struggling with a child and curious about age-appropriate behavior.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Having just discovered a month or so ago that "parenting and ethics" is one of the sub-topics of the Parenting Methods category, I've been mulling over how to approach it. I'm not really sure what direction to take it in.

On the one hand, I could discuss a parent's moral obligation to teach basic values to their children. Honesty, responsibility, sportsmanship and things of that nature come to mind.

On the other hand, this could be the perfect area to delve into some more controversial topics. Nobody would dispute the need to teach honesty to children, but many would dispute the need for sleep training, such as the often recommended cry-it-out method. Some would even go so far to say that sleep training methods are morally or ethically wrong.

The list of these parenting hot topics is long. Just visit any parenting message board and you will find many flame wars over things like cry-it-out, circumcision, spanking, formula feeding and even cloth diapering.

I guess the only way to handle this topic is to jump in with both feet.

Posted by Barb Hacker

There was a report on the CBS evening news last night about a group called the Center for Science in the Public Interest. They have petitioned the FDA to ban artificial food dyes because of the effects these foods have on children's behavior.

I'm happy to see the issue of artificial food additives being addressed in the media. To me, it seems like common sense to avoid eating foods that have artificial colors and flavors. I am constantly shocked at how apathetic most people are about food dyes. Even if you don't consider the behavioral effects in children, doesn't it seem gross to eat these chemical food dyes and flavorings? Nobody truly knows what they are doing to our bodies, both short term and long term.

What really strikes me as ridiculous is that food manufacturers can and do make foods that do not have artificial food dyes, yet they don't sell those foods in the U.S. They are sold in the United Kingdom, which has banned all artificial food dyes. As reported on the CBS news story, you can buy a strawberry parfait in McDonald's in London that is flavored with real strawberries. But, you can't buy that parfait anywhere in the U.S. The strawberry parfaits sold here are artificially flavored. Yuck. If given the choice, which would you rather eat? Real strawberries which have nutritional value or fake strawberry-flavored chemicals.

We vote with our dollars every day. Start voting for food that is free of artificial dyes.

For the full CBS news story on artificial food dyes, go to CBS news on the web.

See this Parenting Methods blog post for a summary of all articles and blogs in Parenting Methods that relate to children's behavior and diet.

Posted by Barb Hacker

I admit that I have been suffering from writer's block this past week. But, today, I thought of a new content web that I am excited about. I want to explore the topics of empathy, impulse control and aggression in the toddler and preschool years.

It seems like the most difficult years with my older boys were the years between two and four. Most of our difficulites came down to these three issues: lack of empathy, lack of impulse control and an excess of aggression. So, with that experience under my belt (twice), I am delving into these topics to hopefully understand them more before my third child enters this phase.

Maybe I can find some new insights that will make for smoother sailing the third time around. The third time's the charm, right?

To start with, I'm excited about what I have discovered regarding empathy and when it typically develops in children. Read Preschool Children and Empathy to find out more. Next, I hope to write about impulse control issues in toddlers and preschoolers. Look for an article next week on this issue.

Since this is a short blog and I find myself with some extra space, I want to invite you all to contact me at Suite101 with your thoughts on the Parenting Methods topic. I'd love to hear what articles you are interested in, which topics you would like to see covered more extensively and any thoughts on parenting methods you have. As always, you are welcome to leave comments on any article that you choose as well.

Thank you for your continued support in Parenting Methods!

Posted by Barb Hacker

Parents spend a lot of time worrying about their baby’s and toddler’s sleep, but once a child is older, sleep seems to be less of an issue. Most big kids go to bed without too much trouble, sleep soundly for the entire night and begin to learn strategies for dealing with lack of sleep just like their parents do.



But, as I discovered this week, sleep can be an issue for an older child, too. I received a note from my oldest son’s third grade teacher saying that he was having trouble focusing at school. As soon as I read the note, I knew the problem was lack of sleep.



With two younger kids whose behavior is strongly affected by lack of sleep, bedtime efforts go towards getting them to bed each night. My oldest son is happy to have this time with his dad. Often they will get involved in a computer game or just enjoy hanging out together. None of us think of his bedtime until it’s late. One day last week, we discovered that it was 10:30 at night and my third grader was still up gaming with his dad!



The note from his teacher made us realize that we were slowly letting these late nights become a habit. No wonder he was having trouble focusing at school. We are back to a structured bedtime for him and already, we’ve noticed a difference.



Good sleep habits are something we need to continue to teach our children. We have to make an effort to remind ourselves that, even when they are past the age of having a tantrum when they are tired, children of all ages still need adequate sleep.



For more articles on sleep, see the Children’s Sleep Article Index.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Why Choose Cooperative Board Games?

Teaching cooperation skills helps children learn how to problem solve and how to work with others. And, cooperative games are fun. My oldest son and I played a cooperative game called Marsh Master (made in Vermont by Great Blue Productions) and were laughing quite hard as we worked together to put all the marsh creatures in their habitat before “Arnold Pathetic” made it around the board.

There are many cooperative games on the market. An on-line store called EcoToyTown has several that cost less than $20 and are appropriate for ages 3 and up. The themes vary, but they all involve working together to reach a goal.

What is Wrong with Traditional, Competitive Board Games?

Many experts have weighed in on the competitive nature of games in our society and what those games teach children. Parenting expert Alfie Kohn believes that competition is a matter of social training and not human nature.

We all know a young child who has a hard time with losing at board games. Some even have a hard time with winning, choosing to brag about the accomplishment. Instead of playing games that involve one person winning at another’s expense, parents can choose cooperative games for their children that involve the group working together to achieve a goal.

Skip the usual board games, think outside the box and give a cooperative game to the children in your life.

Source:

EcoToytown, “What is a Cooperative Game”, website, accessed May 14, 2008