Barb Hacker's Blog

Posted by Barb Hacker

I discovered I was out of baking powder when my four-year-old son and I were in the middle of making muffins last weekend. I knew he would be disappointed if we had to scrap the whole thing or if I took the time to go to the grocery store to buy baking powder. And, I really didn't feel like doing those things either.

The truth is, I needed the muffins so that I had something to send with my older son for his school snack the next day. We were at a low point in the grocery cycle, but the last thing I wanted to do was drive to the grocery store! I wasn't prepared to do all the shopping and sure didn't want to drive there for one thing.

Like all modern moms, I turned to Google for help! Sure enough, Google had the answer. Did you know that you can make baking powder from scratch? Here is what we used:

2 tablespoons of cream of tarter

1 tablespoon of baking soda

1 tablespoon of corn starch

Since I love to bake, I had all of these things on hand. I was nervous that the muffins wouldn't rise enough, but they did. My son thought it was cool and felt like he was doing a science experiment. I kind of felt like that, too!

Posted by Barb Hacker

It has become a yearly tradition for my boys and I to grow sunflowers. The first few years, we struggled with it, but once we learned how to start them from seed indoors, transplant them outdoors and take care of the seedlings properly, we've been getting some great results.

Now, each year's sunflowers leave seeds behind. So, not only do we have the sunflowers that grow and bloom from our well-cared for seedlings, but we have several that come up on their own.

We get enough sunflowers to have a couple of different bouquets in the house through the season. We never pick flowers from the healthy plants, though. We can't seem to bring ourselves to do it. But, every year, mother nature takes down a few plants in a rain or wind storm and these become our lovely bouquets.

Cut sunflowers last a long time in a vase. Especially when we remember to give them some fresh water every couple of days!

Posted by Barb Hacker

My four-year-old and I have been enjoying bedtime story books by Jan Brett. Our favorite right now is Honey...Honey...LION! My son loves it when the honeyguide leads the badger to the lion. He enjoys the surprise in the story and the rich illustrations. I'm hoping that he will learn a subtle leason about sharing and kindness.

This isn't the first Jan Brett book we've enjoyed together. He's quite smitten with the pictures in her books. Not only is the main picture on each page full of incredible detail, but the pages are outlined with more pictures that tell more of the story - kind of the story behind the story.

We first discovered her fantastic books when an aunt of ours gave us a copy of The Trouble with Trolls. We've moved on to read The Three Snow Bears, Country Mouse Town Mouse and others. I'm starting a Jan Brett collection, which I know will be enjoyed in our house for years.

Source: Brett, Jan. Honey...Honey...LION! G.P. Putnam's Sons, New York. 2005.

Posted by Barb Hacker

For anyone that has a child that tends to be more spritied than the norm, I recommend Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's Raising Your Sprited Child (Harper Collins, 1992). It's a great resource for parents whose child is just a little more sensitive, active, loud, rough and excitable than others.

Kurcinka's first chapter on labels and how damaging they are to our children is a good read by itself. It's important to learn how to rephrase those negative labels into more positive versions that will have a lasting impact on our children.

Posted by Barb Hacker

This blog is dedicated to my favorite parenting book, Connection Parenting by Pam Leo. As I wrote my weekly article tonight, I once again, used Connection Parenting as a reference. It got me wondering just how many times I've done either that or mentioned connection time in some way. So, this blog is going to list all of my articles that mention Connection Parenting or connection time.

A Review of Connection Parenting (February 2008)

Connection Time Activities (June 2008)

:Parenting and Listening Skills (August 2008)

A Consistent Bedtime Routine (April 2008)

Discipline and Punishment (May 2008)

So, thanks, Pam Leo, for a fantastic book. You've given me tons of inspiration for articles and lots of connection time with my own children.

Source:

Leo, Pam. Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion. Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing, 2005.

Posted by Barb Hacker

We were outside playing a few weeks ago when I let my four-year-old spray the hose to water my plants and rinse my car off. Some neighbor kids came over, including a ten-year-old. Before I knew it, the ten-year-old tattled that my four-year-old had sprayed him with the hose and wouldn't stop spraying him.

I quickly assessed the situation and saw that it was true, my son was spraying this much older boy with the hose. But, I also realized that the hose has a limited range, my son had been having harmless fun with it for several minutes before the other kids arrived and he still was enjoying himself.

I do not think that my son should have been spraying this kid with the hose, but I also did not tell him to stop. What I did do was remind this ten-year-old that he was, in fact, ten years old and that he could probably think of a few different ways to solve the problem himself. I hesitated to tell him that he could simply walk two feet in any direction and he would be out of the range of the spray. I wanted him to think of that solution on his own.

That situation was what prompted me to write Teach Children How to Problem Solve. I think it is easy for parents to always tell their child what to do and how to do it, but not as easy to teach them how to think and how to solve their own problems. But, I really believe this is a crucial skill all kids need to learn. A ten-year-old should be able to figure out how to avoid getting wet when a four-year-old sprays a hose.

Posted by Barb Hacker

We had a stomach virus go through our family recently. Luckily, it was a mild one. But, it still made for a difficult day or two, especially the day that I was sick. With three kids at home, the youngest an infant, it was a long day. I was counting the minutes until my husband came home from work.

Days when I am sick are the times that I let things coast in the house a little. The television becomes a welcome friend and remains on most of the day. I also relax my screen time rules for my oldest son and let him play computer games longer than usual.

With the two older kids occupied in front of a screen, I just had the baby to care for. This was the most challenging part of the day, but I kept nursing him, confident that my breastmilk will keep him from getting the virus.

To end the day, my husband picked up dinner on the way home and we all went to bed early. So, it wasn't a great parenting day. There was no connection time, very little of our usual routine and a lot of short tempers. Luckily, this virus was a quick one and we are on to better days already.

Posted by Barb Hacker

I just read the book Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers (Ballantine Books, 2004) by Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D. and Gabor Mate, M.D. This was one of those gripping books that I couldn't put down. Neufeld captures perfectly the reasons why parents should work at developing and keeping an attached relationship with their children.

Attachment parenting took on a whole new meaning for me. I now finally understand the importance of attachment past the infant and preschool years. This will be one of those books that I refer to again and again throughout the years.

I recommend that every parent read Hold on to Your Kids. It will change the way you think about parenting and about your children's peers for good.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Trying to put clothes away in my son's dresser, I am likely to step on a Lego or two. If you've ever done this, you know how much it hurts. Bedroom cleaning seems to be an on again/off again struggle for him. Sometimes, he can stay somewhat on top of it. And, sometimes he can't. At those times, there's usually much more than one or two Legos on the floor.

I'm not entirely sure why, but I know that if he is left completely to his own devices for cleaning his room, it will gradually get worse and worse. Verbal requests from me to clean up aren't usually enough. I need to get active and help him tackle the mess. One way we have dealt with it in the past is to organize his toys. The key to this is to make sure there are not too many toys out in his room at any one time. Too many toys means too many for a child to manage.

It's time for us to organize, purge and donate toys again. Maybe then I won't step on any Legos. At least not for a few weeks.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Many public libraries have summer reading programs for children. If you haven't already, now is the time to sign up.

It's important to keep your kids reading over the summer months. Children that continue to read throughout the summer will maintain the reading skills they worked on over the school year. And, there is something magical about curling up with a good book to pass the time over summer vacation.

As Shel Silverstein said in Runny Babbit, "Bead a Rook"!

Posted by Barb Hacker

I am currently reading Your Four Year Old: Wild and Wonderful by Louise Bates Ames, Ph.D., & Frances L. Ilg, M.D. (Dell Publishing 1976). I'm only part way through the book, but already I've found myself alternating between relief and excitment about my four-year-old's behavior.

It's nice to finally understand that his bounciness is typical for his age. Four year olds like to test the boundries, but like to know that the boundries are there. They can be aggressive and even mean, at times. They can frustrate their parents and their siblings.

But, four year olds also are full of fun and energy. They like to see and do new things. They enjoy small neighborhood trips, like a walk to a neighbor's house to see a back hoe at work. They love new songs and silly rhymes, as well as new, interesting toys. Toys do not need to be expensive to please a four year old. For instance, my four year old was thrilled with a simple plastic slinky that a favorite aunt gave him a week ago.

I've read a few of the child development books by Ames. She always amazes me with her attention to the details of each particular age. I highly recommend her books for any parent that is struggling with a child and curious about age-appropriate behavior.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Having just discovered a month or so ago that "parenting and ethics" is one of the sub-topics of the Parenting Methods category, I've been mulling over how to approach it. I'm not really sure what direction to take it in.

On the one hand, I could discuss a parent's moral obligation to teach basic values to their children. Honesty, responsibility, sportsmanship and things of that nature come to mind.

On the other hand, this could be the perfect area to delve into some more controversial topics. Nobody would dispute the need to teach honesty to children, but many would dispute the need for sleep training, such as the often recommended cry-it-out method. Some would even go so far to say that sleep training methods are morally or ethically wrong.

The list of these parenting hot topics is long. Just visit any parenting message board and you will find many flame wars over things like cry-it-out, circumcision, spanking, formula feeding and even cloth diapering.

I guess the only way to handle this topic is to jump in with both feet.

Posted by Barb Hacker

There was a report on the CBS evening news last night about a group called the Center for Science in the Public Interest. They have petitioned the FDA to ban artificial food dyes because of the effects these foods have on children's behavior.

I'm happy to see the issue of artificial food additives being addressed in the media. To me, it seems like common sense to avoid eating foods that have artificial colors and flavors. I am constantly shocked at how apathetic most people are about food dyes. Even if you don't consider the behavioral effects in children, doesn't it seem gross to eat these chemical food dyes and flavorings? Nobody truly knows what they are doing to our bodies, both short term and long term.

What really strikes me as ridiculous is that food manufacturers can and do make foods that do not have artificial food dyes, yet they don't sell those foods in the U.S. They are sold in the United Kingdom, which has banned all artificial food dyes. As reported on the CBS news story, you can buy a strawberry parfait in McDonald's in London that is flavored with real strawberries. But, you can't buy that parfait anywhere in the U.S. The strawberry parfaits sold here are artificially flavored. Yuck. If given the choice, which would you rather eat? Real strawberries which have nutritional value or fake strawberry-flavored chemicals.

We vote with our dollars every day. Start voting for food that is free of artificial dyes.

For the full CBS news story on artificial food dyes, go to CBS news on the web.

See this Parenting Methods blog post for a summary of all articles and blogs in Parenting Methods that relate to children's behavior and diet.

Posted by Barb Hacker

I admit that I have been suffering from writer's block this past week. But, today, I thought of a new content web that I am excited about. I want to explore the topics of empathy, impulse control and aggression in the toddler and preschool years.

It seems like the most difficult years with my older boys were the years between two and four. Most of our difficulites came down to these three issues: lack of empathy, lack of impulse control and an excess of aggression. So, with that experience under my belt (twice), I am delving into these topics to hopefully understand them more before my third child enters this phase.

Maybe I can find some new insights that will make for smoother sailing the third time around. The third time's the charm, right?

To start with, I'm excited about what I have discovered regarding empathy and when it typically develops in children. Read Preschool Children and Empathy to find out more. Next, I hope to write about impulse control issues in toddlers and preschoolers. Look for an article next week on this issue.

Since this is a short blog and I find myself with some extra space, I want to invite you all to contact me at Suite101 with your thoughts on the Parenting Methods topic. I'd love to hear what articles you are interested in, which topics you would like to see covered more extensively and any thoughts on parenting methods you have. As always, you are welcome to leave comments on any article that you choose as well.

Thank you for your continued support in Parenting Methods!

Posted by Barb Hacker

Parents spend a lot of time worrying about their baby’s and toddler’s sleep, but once a child is older, sleep seems to be less of an issue. Most big kids go to bed without too much trouble, sleep soundly for the entire night and begin to learn strategies for dealing with lack of sleep just like their parents do.

But, as I discovered this week, sleep can be an issue for an older child, too. I received a note from my oldest son’s third grade teacher saying that he was having trouble focusing at school. As soon as I read the note, I knew the problem was lack of sleep.

With two younger kids whose behavior is strongly affected by lack of sleep, bedtime efforts go towards getting them to bed each night. My oldest son is happy to have this time with his dad. Often they will get involved in a computer game or just enjoy hanging out together. None of us think of his bedtime until it’s late. One day last week, we discovered that it was 10:30 at night and my third grader was still up gaming with his dad!

The note from his teacher made us realize that we were slowly letting these late nights become a habit. No wonder he was having trouble focusing at school. We are back to a structured bedtime for him and already, we’ve noticed a difference.

Good sleep habits are something we need to continue to teach our children. We have to make an effort to remind ourselves that, even when they are past the age of having a tantrum when they are tired, children of all ages still need adequate sleep.

For more articles on sleep, see the Children’s Sleep Article Index.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Why Choose Cooperative Board Games?

Teaching cooperation skills helps children learn how to problem solve and how to work with others. And, cooperative games are fun. My oldest son and I played a cooperative game called Marsh Master (made in Vermont by Great Blue Productions) and were laughing quite hard as we worked together to put all the marsh creatures in their habitat before “Arnold Pathetic” made it around the board.

There are many cooperative games on the market. An on-line store called EcoToyTown has several that cost less than $20 and are appropriate for ages 3 and up. The themes vary, but they all involve working together to reach a goal.

What is Wrong with Traditional, Competitive Board Games?

Many experts have weighed in on the competitive nature of games in our society and what those games teach children. Parenting expert Alfie Kohn believes that competition is a matter of social training and not human nature.

We all know a young child who has a hard time with losing at board games. Some even have a hard time with winning, choosing to brag about the accomplishment. Instead of playing games that involve one person winning at another’s expense, parents can choose cooperative games for their children that involve the group working together to achieve a goal.

Skip the usual board games, think outside the box and give a cooperative game to the children in your life.

Source:

EcoToytown, “What is a Cooperative Game”, website, accessed May 14, 2008

Posted by Barb Hacker

I tend to believe that what we eat affects how we behave, so diet has been a recurrent theme in my Parenting Methods articles and blogs. I plan on addressing this topic more in the future and would love to have your ideas and thoughts. Please contact me if you have any questions or an idea for a topic you would like to see addressed in a future article.

Benefits of the Feingold Diet

Difficulties of the Feingold Diet

Children's Behavior and Diet

Artificial Food Dye

Posted by Barb Hacker

Any one who has read more than a few of my articles can probably tell that I don’t think spanking is an effective parenting tool. Not that I have written about spanking and, other than this blog, I don’t care to. But, I tend to write about gentle discipline and peaceful parenting techniques, which are incompatible with spanking.

So, when we were celebrating my middle son’s birthday a few nights ago, I told my kids that when I was a child I always got a birthday spanking. They were aghast that this was a tradition back then. I like to think that I am not that old, so the conversation really got me thinking how much parenting has changed in the last thirty years.

At least from my point of view it has changed. More moms than ever are choosing to breastfeed their babies. Dads are getting involved with their children like never before. And, the internet is helping parents research and find support for any parenting issues they may have.

However, spanking as a discipline technique has remained a stubborn fixture in our society. Slowly though, the word is getting out that it is time to replace spanking with better, more enlightened parenting techniques. In another thirty years maybe the concept of spanking will be as antiquated as birthday spankings are now.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Co-Sleeping

Here are all the Parenting Methods articles that mention co-sleeping.

Attachment Parenting: Co-sleeping, Discipline and Connecting with the School-Aged Child

Attachment Parenting Controversy: Why Breastfeeding, Babywearing and Co-sleeping are Misunderstood

The Pros and Cons of Co-Sleeping

Connection Between Behavior and Sleep

Most parents learn about the connection between behavior and sleep early. Here are some articles that will help you improve your child's sleep.

Children's Behavior and Sleep: Improve Sleep and Behavior with Exercise, Diet and a Bedtime Routine

A Consistent Bedtime Routine

The Importance of Sleep

Bedtime Stories

The Bedtime Story: Classic Chapter Books to Read to Your Child

Book Review

A Guide to Your Child's Sleep Review: AAP's Bad Advice on Breastfeeding, Co-Sleeping and Sleep Training

Posted by Barb Hacker

Sometimes, despite a parent’s best efforts, a tantrum erupts from one of our little ones. Every child has tantrums at some point and they can be hard to deal with no matter how patient the parent is. So, what do you do when a tantrum strikes?

My new favorite tantrum soothing technique is to offer my son a bath. He loves to take a bath and will readily agree to it even when he is upset. Within a minute or two of being in the bath, he is calm. These are the times that I let him stay in the bath and play as long as he wants.

To help make the bath even more soothing, I give him a bar of lavender soap and turn the lights down low. He has his favorite bath toys to play with and sometimes I will read him a story as he bathes. By the end of his bath, he is refreshed, calm and ready for a snack or some quiet time.

I wish I had discovered how effective this tantrum calming technique is earlier. He’s just about grown out of his tantrum phase. I am extremely grateful for that, but it would have been nice to have this trick up my sleeve a year ago!

I'd love to hear what you do to help calm tantrums for your children. Feel free to start a discussion and share some of your ideas.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Bedtime is often my favorite time of the day because I can relax with my boys and read them a great story or two. Here are some of our favorite, classic books that we have read several times.

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett (Dell Publishing 1987; originally published in 1911)

Spoiled and contrary Mary Lennox is sent to live with her uncle in England. She soon discovers a garden that has been closed up for ten years. As Mary learns how to care for the garden, she makes friends with a local boy and finds another secret hidden away in Misselthwaite Manor.

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum (Signet Classics 1984; originally published in 1900)

Children who find the movie to frightening to watch may enjoy the book. Dorothy and her new friends have to find their way to the Emerald City and are sent to kill the Wicked Witch of the West, but that is only half the story. The other half has them continuing on their journey to find Glinda so that Dorothy may finally return home to Kansas.

Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder (Harper Collins 1932)

The first book in the Little House series is written to appeal to both boys and girls. The story of young Laura and her family living in the woods in Wisconsin is sprinkled with the stories that Pa told his girls in the evenings. These short stories focus on Pa and his father and often involve wild animals and the dangers of pioneer life.

There are so many fantastic books to choose from, but the important thing is not what you read, but that you read to your children. Make it a nightly habit.

Posted by Barb Hacker

I started using a front baby carrier with my oldest son when he was a newborn just so I could get through the day. He had colic and the only way to keep him from crying was to wear him in the carrier and take him for walks around the neighborhood. I had never even heard of attachment parenting at that point, but I soon discovered that what I had started practicing just to keep my sanity was an actual parenting method.

With the birth of my second son, I graduated to a sling, specifically a Maya Wrap. He loved to be snuggled up in it. I wore him around the house so that I could get some light housework done and take care of his older brother. It seemed like the perfect multi-tasking solution. Unfortunately, when the baby was almost a year old, I threw my back out. In part, I think, because when I wore him in the sling, he was usually resting on my left hip, thus throwing off my center of gravity. The repeated stress of this caused my back to protest.

Now, as much as I like baby wearing, I’m a little more cautious. In order to keep a healthy back, any baby wearing mom should follow some back safety rules.

• Try to wear the baby in the center of your body as much as possible.
• Take frequent breaks.
• Do exercises that strengthen your core muscles.
• Opt to put the baby in a bouncy seat or bassinet if you are going to be doing chores.
• Don’t lift heavy objects, like full laundry baskets, while wearing your baby.

A few simple rules could save weeks or months of back pain. Enjoy wearing your baby, but be aware of your own physical limits.

Posted by Barb Hacker

I’ve wanted to write a co-sleeping article for some time, but I was hesitant. While I am a supporter of co-sleeping, I also know that it is not right for every family. I do not want to advocate co-sleeping for everyone. While it can be a good choice for many families, for some, it is down right dangerous.

I’m heartbroken every time I hear a news report about an infant who has died while co-sleeping. Sadly, I know that this happens, but I also know that the news reporters never cover the full story. There are always questions that remain unanswered in their blanket condemnation of co-sleeping. Was the parent drunk? Was the parent taking a medication that causes deep sleep? Was the parent obese? Were the parent and baby sleeping on an un-safe surface, like a waterbed?

Bed sharing can be extremely beneficial for mothers and babies. I would wager that most breastfeeding mothers do end up co-sleeping at some point with their infants. Most, however, choose not to talk about it. Since infants need to nurse every two hours, it is pretty difficult for the mother to get any sleep if she chooses not to co-sleep. Because the infant never feels abandoned and alone, sleep problems in those early months can be virtually non existent when a family chooses co-sleeping.

Still, I was hesitant to write a co-sleeping article. I know that it is not for everyone and I would never recommend it lightly. I wanted to write an article that would be fair and look at the co-sleeping issue from both sides, but also focus heavily on co-sleeping safety. I hope that is what I have accomplished with The Pros and Cons of Co-Sleeping.

Posted by Barb Hacker

The most stressful thing for me to deal with as a parent is sibling rivalry.

Some days are great and I pat myself on the back and think I must be doing something right. Other days are awful and the boys fight so much I think they must hate each other and that I am a completely ineffective parent.

The sibling rivalry issue is the one issue I have yet to find adequately addressed in a parenting book. There is Siblings Without Rivalry by Faber and Mazlish (W.W. Norton & Co., Inc. 1987), but that doesn’t seem to address the specific sibling needs in my house.

My two oldest boys are five years apart and at two very different developmental levels. The preschooler looks up to his older brother and wants to do things that he is not developmentally ready for, like play with Bionicles. His older brother gets frustrated with his pestering for help. Sometimes the oldest is too helpful and doesn’t let the younger brother learn things on his own.

A hard lesson for me has been that I need to step back and let them sort out their disagreements. This is a delicate balance with two kids in this age range though. The older boy has much better negotiation and communication skills. I need to give them a chance to sort it out, but be ready to step in if the youngest is getting too frustrated or if he refuses to give his brother any space.

Still, I recognize that compared to some, I’ve got it easy on the sibling rivalry front. At least until the youngest of the three is old enough to join in the fray.

Posted by Barb Hacker

I read an advice column that had a letter from a reader complaining about how rude a mother in a store was because her child was having a tantrum. She suggested that the mother needs to immediately take the offending child out of the store.

The woman’s opinion bothers me for several reasons.

I have been shopping and ended up with a child throwing a tantrum in the store. I do everything I can to prevent grocery store tantrums, but sometimes they happen anyway. I am a stay at home mom with three kids and a tight schedule. I do not have the time or the patience to leave a half-filled shopping cart and come back another day to shop.

A tantrum is an emotional outburst. Sure, sometimes they can be loud and even annoying to listen to, but sending the message that our emotions are something to be hidden seems counterproductive to me. Learning how to control emotions as we mature is one thing, but learning to be embarrassed about them is another.

I do not believe it is a good discipline practice to leave a store whenever a child tantrums. A child that is removed from the store when he tantrums is likely to learn that his outburst will mean he gets to go home. In the future, he may use this as a tool to leave any situation he is bored or impatient with.

I have ridden out grocery store tantrums with my head held high. More often than not, I have gotten sympathetic looks from other parents who are thanking their lucky stars that they are not in my shoes. These are the parents that have been there before and know they will probably be there again.

Posted by Barb Hacker

With Easter just a few weeks away, I’ve been working on finding things to fill the Easter baskets of my three children. Since I’m a firm believer that diet affects a kid’s behavior, I’ve been trying to find candy and treats that are not made with artificial colors and flavors. This is no easy task, but I have managed to find some candy that is okay. And, I intend to fill in the Easter basket with some non-food treats as well.

Diet is just one aspect of holidays that can affect a child’s behavior. Children are notoriously difficult on holidays. In addition to unhealthy treats, they are also over stimulated, short on sleep and out of their normal routine.

I’ve been through too many holiday tantrums with my children to take it lightly. These are the things I have learned that I need to do to keep things calm on holidays.

• Serve a healthy breakfast with a source of protein. Provide healthy snacks throughout the day.
• Stick to sleep schedules, including naps if they are a part of the regular routine.
• Don’t visit too many different homes in one day. My husband and I decide which relative we will visit on a particular holiday and spend the day there. Traveling from one set of grandparents to another is stressful and tiring for small children.
• Find a quiet place for some down time. I spend some time reading a story or just snuggling with my children.

Once we stuck to these guidelines on holidays, things seemed less chaotic and more enjoyable for everyone, including the children.

For ideas for non-food Easter basket treats read Alternative Easter Baskets.

Posted by Barb Hacker

I freely admit that I am a parenting book addict. I can not even count how many parenting books I have read since I discovered I was pregnant with my first child over nine years ago.

Since then, I have read some great books and some not so great ones. I don’t always agree with everything I read and sometimes I find advice that is not practical for every day use.

Still, I have gotten some great parenting tips that I have put into practice successfully.

Here are some of my favorite parenting books.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish; Perennial Currents (1980)

Anytime I find myself in a yelling streak, I soon find that my kids are tuning me out. Rereading parts of this book gets me back on track and gives me the skills I need to be a more positive, effective parent.

Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys by Dan Kindlon, Ph.D. and Michael Thompson, PH. D.; Ballantine Books ( 1999)

Boys growing up in our society are under a lot of pressure. They are not getting the emotional support and training that they desperately need. This book is a must read for parents of boys and for educators that work with boys.

Connection Parenting: Parenting through Connection instead of Coercion, Through Love instead of Fear by Pam Leo; Wyatt-MacKenzie Publishing (2005)

I choose this book for my first book review because it is my favorite parenting book. In my family, the benefits of her practical advice were seen immediately.

I invite you to the Parenting Methods discussion board to tell me what your favorite parenting books are. Give me a recommendation and, if I haven't already read it, I will!

Posted by Barb Hacker

I admit that sometimes I use the television as a babysitter in my house. When I am sick, am trying to juggle too many things at once or otherwise need a break, I get lax on my screen time rules for my kids.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no more than two hours of TV time a day for children. This doesn’t even count screen time accumulated by the computer or playing on gaming systems.

Whether you believe that too much screen time is detrimental to kid’s health or not, most people will agree that kids need to spend time pursuing other activities.

It can be hard for some families to find a balance between just enough screen time and too much. When I realize that my kids are glued to a screen of some sort or another, I generally take steps to decrease the amount of time they are being passively entertained.

While I’m not a fanatic about avoiding screen time, I have found it easier to encourage other activities rather than limit screen time. I’ve developed the habit of not turning the TV on in the morning until it’s asked for. Most of the time, my kids will gravitate towards the LEGOs or other toys before they ask for the television. I also encourage lots of outdoor time and am not opposed to pulling out a messy activity if my kids are too engrossed in the television and computer.

Each family needs to decide how they feel about television, electronic games and computer time. Find ways to cut back if the amount of time spent in front of a screen seems excessive.

For ideas on environmentally friendly activities for kids that will also get them away from the television read The Environment & Holistic Living.

Posted by Barb Hacker

Parents can be overwhelmed with all the discipline advice available these days. From Super Nanny and her “naughty chair” to unconditional parenting and gentle discipline, there are a myriad of discipline techniques for parents to choose from.

What I have learned by being the mother of three children is that there is no one right discipline method for everyone. Not only does discipline look different in different families, but within a particular family it changes through the years. Different children in the same family also require different methods of discipline.

While one child in a family may respond well to time outs, another child may not. He may need more of a time in, which is similar to a time out, but is spent with the parent. Some children thrive on routine and structure, while others prefer a more flexible schedule.

Parenting experts will tell you the specific merits of their particular method and why that is better than all the rest. Yet, there is no one size fits all discipline technique. As a parent, you learn to pick and choose which methods work best for your family, at that particular time and in that particular situation.

The struggle comes when a parent flip flops between discipline methods and is inconsistent. Deciding to practice unconditional parenting one day, then switching to time outs the next is confusing for a child and won’t solve discipline problems.

The key is to pick a discipline method that you are most comfortable with and try to work from that frame of reference most of the time. However, you need to allow yourself the ability to change and evolve in discipline as your children and their needs change.

Posted by Barb Hacker

The relationship between diet and behavior is an extension of holistic parenting. The tricky part for parents is to learn what constitutes a healthy diet.

The first step any parent can take to learn about healthy eating is to learn about artificial food additives. The Feingold Association has researched the effects food additives, including artificial colors and flavors, have on behavior. According to Feingold, some children can have severe reactions to food additives and exhibit signs of ADHD and even autism when they eat additives. Neurotypical children can have problems with temper, hyperactivity and concentration when food additives are consumed.

We began following the Feingold program last spring when my son’s behavior was difficult. After a few days of avoiding artificial additives, he was calmer and his behavior had improved considerably. The rest of us felt and acted better too.

While we try to always follow Feingold, we get sidetracked sometimes. The holidays were particularly difficult with parties and an abundance of candy. The kids were hyper, fought more and had more tantrums. My husband and I had shorter fuses and found ourselves snapping at each other and the kids.

Back on Feingold, everyone settled down. I have vowed to try harder when the next holiday rolls around to keep additives out of our diets.

I invite you to join me in the discussion, The Connection Between Diet and Children's Behavior. I'd love your perspective on the relationship between food and behavior.

Posted by Barb Hacker

While pregnant with my first child, I had a vision of what life as a mother would be like. Not only would my baby be pleasant all the time, but I would finally have time to exercise every day and keep my house clean.

When my son was born, reality struck hard and fast. I tried to deal with his constant crying by following the advice I was hearing everywhere. I’m sure you have heard it too. It goes something like this:

• "If you hold a baby too much, you’ll spoil him."
• "He’ll learn that he can sleep on his own if you let him cry it out."

I am ashamed to say that I tried this advice. When I complained to a friend that it wasn’t working, she suggested that I wasn’t letting him cry long enough. The final straw came when I let him cry for forty-five minutes and he still showed no signs of calming down.

My instincts were screaming at me that this wasn’t right. So, I began holding him most of the time and I started co-sleeping with him at night. A miraculous thing happened. He stopped crying so much. He actually became quite content.

That was my introduction to Attachment Parenting.

I have since learned that each stage brings its own challenges. There is the toddler who won’t brush his teeth, the school-aged child who won’t clean her room, and the teen who is driving past curfew.

For each parenting trouble spot, there is a method that claims to have all the answers. I am excited to explore these different parenting methods with you.

Look for my new blog posts each week. Till then, I look forward to getting to know you through my discussions and polls.